The 2015 NBA Finals Preview

THE FINALS ARE HERE! THE FINALS ARE HERE! THE FINALS ARE HERE! Are you fucking ready or what?

It’s been a while since I’ve dove off the deep end into some NBA coverage. But dude… IT’S THE FINALS. LEBRON VS CURRY. MVP VS MVP. Oh man, I’m ridiculously excited. I had to jump back in! In honor of the best two week stretch of the year, here are some key head to head (but not in the literal matchup-on-the-court basketball sense) battles that will decide the NBA Finals. If you possess superb attention to detail you might notice that I’ve listed the Golden State Warriors player first in every title. That’s because they’re the higher seed. It’s also because *SPOILER ALERT* I think they’re going to win the series. Continue reading The 2015 NBA Finals Preview

5 Reasons To Pour Haterade All Over Steph Curry’s Life

So much hate flows through the veins on the eve of the NBA Finals. While the most polarizing character may still be Lebron James for some idiots who secretly wish he chose Chicago on “The Decision”, and are just mad he’s ballin so hard that he approaches the top of Mount Jordan with each new game, stat, and season he checks off, this African directs his hatention towards his light-skinned-brethren in the Bay Area. Splash Brother #1, Steph Curry just has life WAY TOO FIGURED OUT, and here’s the proof:

Here’s Steph cooking with his gorgeous wife, Ayeesha. You might say,”So what? Plenty families cook, Siya!”. Okay, but do they cook to the tune of a Drake song with a line dedicated their family’s namesake, that they then meticulously remix to fit said cooking? DIDN’T THINK SO! Drake made it a hot line, they made it a hot song:

Here’s Splash Broseph Stalin at the Warriors practice facility. Forget about the one handed half-court shot. Forget that it was no-look. Forget that it was BEHIND HIS BACK. Forget all that for one second. But, look at that swaggerific strut away from the scene of the heinous crime. As if he does this all day, everyday, and twice on Sundays! Who does this guy THINK HE IS? King James, please attend to this!

Speaking of King James, back when he was in Miami and could afford to be liberal with praise of the young-gunner (while $hittin on Chalmers as was routinely necessary in those days). “THREE HESIS? You a BAD muh*ucka

… Ofcourse that was before Golden State was even a contender to get in his way of another championship… these days he keeps his respectful distance

Here are the Curries once again. This time they’re under the iron fist of the bed-time-hatin, press-conference-crashin, nap-mongering “Boss Baby” Judge dictator, Riley Curry. The specialty? Chicken curry, ofcourse!

Convinced yet? Curry’s got it all figured out and I hate it.

Steph Curry’s Daughter Stole The Show, And I Hate It

OGER-ALERT! Come on, its distracting. MVP Steph Curry just crushed and helped lock in the first close win at home against the Houston Rockets. Just to be clear, it was hilarious, and she’s a ridiculously adorable 2 year old.  All-Star Weekend? Just won the 3 point contest? Regular Season last game? Just won the NBA Finals? PERFECT! It’s a celebration!

But, it’s late (reporters gotta hand in quotes, basketball fans are listening to what the MVP has to say about out-playing his runner-up in the conference final), and overcoming a 15-point deficit.  There were at least two occasions when Steph had to break the flow of the press conference to ask a reporter to repeat questions, or look for the little cute bugger duckin under desks.  Being MVP and all, maybe that’s an unwritten right that comes with the award. But the rest of yall, better not start doing this! Definitely not the losers!

“Um… yall act like you never seen a cute toddler before”

AAAAH FORGET IT! Look at that yawn! That sneeze!! That silly wave!!! WERE THOSE DOLPHIN NOISES??? Never mind, Riley. Do watcha want, girl! (Maybe I’m just jealous my bedtime was a lot more strict at 2 years old).

Stephen Curry Is A Glitch In The Matrix

See that video above? That sort of boring, routine shootaround footage? Did you watch that shit? You did?  Well, you weren’t supposed to see that. No one was supposed to see that. That’s not even supposed to be possible. That’s a glitch in The Matrix.

Stephen Curry made 77 three-pointers in a row. SEVENTY-SEVEN. That is straight up incomprehensible. I’ve never done ANYTHING 77 times in a row. I can’t even take 77 breaths in a row without forgetting to inhale at least once. I’m not entirely sure I could COUNT to 77 without messing up. Hold up, I’m going to try it… [12345674fucuuuk] …nope. CAN’T DO IT.

We all have days in our lives where we think to ourselves, “Damn, I’m good at my job.” But after watching that, after seeing what it’s actually like to crush a job into oblivion, I don’t think I”m good at anything. I wasn’t ready for thatThis is why you shouldn’t watch things you’re not supposed to see. This is why you’re supposed to take the blue pill.

I mean… damn. Stephen Curry is so good at basketball he just gave me clinical depression.