Atlanta Hawks Twitter Was WAYYY More Entertaining Than Cavs 3-Point Storm.

If you can’t beat, join em. Or at least, join the roasting… on yourself?

Whoever is the Atlanta Hawks social media manager was clowning his own team better than the Cavs “unprofessional” shock-and-awe pummeling that set the new record for 3-point shots made in a single half last night.
Follow this tweet-trail to find the exact moment @ATLHawks went from “aw man, we gotta do somethin about this” to “WELP… we’re here now… this is our reality. History doesn’t repeat itself, it rhymes…a cruel cruel rhyme – LET’S SING ALONG 🙂 ”

Invoking Atlanta’s own Cici with the gifs. That’s usually what they say right before the roller coaster violently throws you off in a loop di loop and you’re dead half way through the ride (or in this metaphor, Game 2) starts.

All these Cookie flavors, and @ATLHawks was already feelin salty

Grey’s Anatomy wit it… or is this General Hospital? I don’t know – I haven’t seen either. That’s just the look the Doc gives you right before he goes in the other room and throws up in horror (trickle back to roller-coaster metaphor up top)

Note the score here… look closer… at the Hawks score pictured… THERE HE IS… The Crying GOAT. No scapegoats for this massacre, though. Everyone was equally helpless and culpable, HAWKS.

@ATLHawks is fairly lit at this point. If the Hawks get swept by Cavs AGAIN – this should be how they teach children in Atlanta to count to 10.

You better put some RESPEK on @ATLHawks twitter account (not so much the team)… ALL TREEs (read: threes)

What happened happened and couldn’t have happened any other way… how does @ATLHawks know? “we’re still alive” #Matrix3logyReference #Dead

 

Advertisements

Veterans Day Perspective: Protesting Is Patriotic

For a lot of young Americans, Veterans Day, Memorial Day, D-Day, and maybe July 4th is when they’re mostly made aware of what the armed forces do for love of country and why that’s dope. Perhaps, that’s why this short yak caught some wind on the University of Iowa’s Yik Yak (THE most American Yik Yaks of them all, I might add. Go Hawks! Stanzi 3:16 😉 )


While I can imagine the perspective the yakker writer was seeing such a protest from, I can’t imagine a MORE perfect time to protest the Continue reading Veterans Day Perspective: Protesting Is Patriotic

Potato Of The Day Episode 98

slimcado“Slimcado.”

It was just a word, a simple idea really, but the room was in immediate agreement. How could they not be? This was Bravo-Toaster presenting after all. Sure, he’d had a few misfires with purple cauliflower and tie-dyed bell peppers, and sure, no one could really point to any specific successes he was directly responsible for, but he was the fastest rising executive in the entire firm, skipping the corporate ladder entirely, instead crawling up the pile of bodies he’d thrown under the bus. Interns, hippies, old men hiding in the shadows waiting for retirement – they were all gone now. And Bravo-Toaster had made sure of that.

Bravo-Toaster had a cemented confidence about him now, matched by his final hair form, the comb-over, his accession from #MILLENIALEXPERT to full-on business god completed thanks to the webinar series Grab Your Boss By The Balls: A Guide To Getting Promoted (later retitled, in reaction to negative PR, Grab Your Boss’s Junk: A Gender-Proof Guide To Promotion, and then, after more negative press still, re-retitled Don’t Touch Anyone Ever For Any Reason: Getting Promoted The Asperger’s Way.). This was a man born then reborn then rebranded again, an ever-evolving marketing cyborg programmed to hashtag and retweet its way to the top.

The product itself was a fat, slimy Florida avocado. How their firm was able to land another produce client after their past debacles was a puzzling mystery to most. The Head Account Executive who’d brought in the business knew the answer, but he was on forced administrative leave following a sexual harassment suit levied at the firm. He’d acted shocked when the papers were served, not understanding how one measly grope, twelve suggestive drunken text messages, and a not-even-fully-erect dick pic constituted as harassment. He was a leftover relic of an era in marketing that no longer existed, a dinosaur who’d forgot to fossilize, and the firm’s younger uprising of board members were happy to push him out, leaving Junior Executives scraping over each other in bloody backstabbings, passive-aggressive memos and peer-reviews of past-failures, for a shot at his leftover clients.

Of course it would turn out later that it was Bravo-Toaster who’d convinced the intern, a woman he’d had fired for mangling a job she wasn’t qualified for to begin with, to levy the suit. He’d played both sides perfectly in the ensuing chaos, even comforting the Head Account Executive’s wife (a woman who’s dosage of Oxy for the treatment of “migraines” had reached such a point she wouldn’t have felt a beheading, let alone a headache) with a hand-written letter, an idea he’d gotten from a popular listicle entitled Ten Things Old People Wish Still Existed, while simultaneously showing in-house initiative with his introduction of DiversifiHiRe, a proposal for shifting HR hiring practices away from the men who considered other white men who dared wear khakis in the workplace diverse, lauded for its creative incorporation of capitalization and vague spelling.

The resulting hires from DiversifiHiRe were a young, ambition-crazed marketer’s wet dream, an army of diversely colored and gendered robots, all programmed to spout the same ridiculous social media market trends and ideas for improving return on investment, an ROI or DIE squad. Slightly younger, impressionable, and eager to save the world through viral marketing, Bravo-Toaster worked them over one by one, adding them on Instagram, Twitter, hell, LinkedIn, collaborating on memes and memory shares, building relationships, networking nightly, until at last, they all adored him, backing him in every meeting and #THINKSPACE forum.

And there they all were, stacked to the brim in his technicolor ark, hanging by the edge of their seats, waiting, wondering how their mystical savant marketing savior would deliver the word of the Slimcado, a bigger, heftier avocado, to the legion of granola moms concerned about their Fitbit regulated caloric intake.

“A webinar, obviously. I didn’t get where I am by NOT watching webinars now, did I?”

And as it began, so did it end.

Wellness Wednesday: How To Be A Sensitive Bigot Online

You’ve thought it, posted it and regretted it. Sometimes, you may have been a bit bigoted jackhole, sometimes you were somewhere in between Trevor Noah, Jerry Seinfeld, and Curtis Jackson.  Whatever the case is, its clear in 2015 – more than ever – that somewhere, somehow even Gandhi’s dieting, and Mother Teresa’s prude self would be crossing the line for some poor sap who is a offense-detector. Here’s a hilarious take on how to avoid an AIDS fire, ebola hurricane, or meningitis tsunami or any biting comeback in such an event:

Watch Russian Soldier’s Social Media Posts Totally Blow Ukranian Invasion Secret

“…the digital and literal footprints of one Russian soldier…prove that Russian soldiers are fighting in Ukraine.”

Disclaimer: Not here to argue the political facts and consequences, we haven’t opened that can of worms yet. We’re barely touching technology on this blog as of late. But, here’s some meaningful context. Former 4-Star General, Welsey Clark was both head of United States European Command, AND Supreme Commander of NATO forces. When it comes to Ukraine, Crimea, and the general phuckery Russia has been “allegedly” inflicting in the area – he can be considered an expert voice.  He recently warned that Russia is planning a Spring Offensive to further seize more sovereign territory from embattled and fractured Ukraine.
A couple of days ago we reported on the ISIS “moron” who tweeted his location, completely blowing his cover in a battle – and had a bit of fun with that, right along with the Air Force guys. Now this? SO, LET’S RECAP!

World leader most likely goes for hegemonic land-grab in neighboring Ukraine. CHECK. World leader flat-out denies such doings (under the cover of sloppy guerilla tactics). SURE. World community goes ahead and freezes his economic power into tailspin recession anyway, just in case – ya know – HE’S CLEARLY LYING. CHECK. The international waltz of crisis ensues, and continues to the day of this posting. That is until the good folks over at Vice News popped into one of Russia’s most popular Social Networks and noticed a young G.I. Jakov left his geo-tags on.  Sooo all they had to do was follow those digital breadcrumbs to young tweeter’s posting history, and what do you know? Massive troop incursions right on the border, waiting for orders from Moscow!
WATCH THE TRAILER:

Russian President Vladimir has unequivocally denied these allegations.  Nonetheless, the international community led by the United States has imposed tough sanctions on the Russian economy, including Russian oligarchy’s funds worldwide – some of Putin’s strongest and most wealthy billionaire supporters (guys who made a killing in the Sochi Olympics). The general idea is, you can’t eat ya lunch – until you release the headlock you have on that Ukranian kid in your part of the playground.

While you may deny such wrong-doing, your homeboy is live-tweeting the scuffle for us, VLAD! That’s 2015. “The Shot heard around the World” was for the American Revolution.  Not too far from there in Sarajevo, an Archbishop’s assassination tindered World War 1. Will the next major conflict be sparked by the inevitability of somebody pressing “post” on their mobile phone at the wrong time and place?