Remember this? Probably not. It’s been a long time. A real long time. That was the FIRST Potato Of The Day. That’s where this nonsense all started. A Snapchat of a Red Idaho Potato just straight chillin’. Remember it now? Remember how I promised that potato wouldn’t go all Drake on us? Remember how I said it’d stay zero forever? Remember that? Well that potato stayed at zero. But you and me? WE MADE TO ONE HUNDRED FUCKING POTATOES. ONE HUNDRED. THAT’S TRIP-DIGITS MOTHAFUCKAS! Give yourself a round of applause. Now point that sound at me. Dude, come on! I’ve earned it.
I know broke some promises along the way. I lied to you a lot. I told you this was POTATO Of The Day, then I threw a bunch of not-potatoes at you. I wrote some fiction. I wrote some gibberish. Hell, I took a stab at haiku. I’d link to those things, but this is the 100th Potato Of The Day. I don’t have to do shit on this on. You can use the search bar for yourself. I also lied about this not going all Drake on our ass. BECAUSE WE WENT 0-100, didn’t we? Nope! Got you! THAT was a lie. We went 1-100. There was never a Potato Of The Day Episode 0, ya dummy.
That very first Potato Of The Day was barely 100 words. Now these things stretch. On Tuesday, I went over 650 words. That’s too many words for a potato. Potatoes can’t read. But you, you CAN read. And for that, I thank you. Thank you for the likes, the shares, the clicks. Thank you for help making these random bursts of insanity worthwhile. Thank you for reading. Not all of them have been great, but it’s great to have you there for all of them.
Potato Of The Day will continue. Just not tomorrow. I’m taking a break. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHY? BECAUSE I’VE DONE ONE HUNDRED OF THESE FUCKING THINGS AND I’M A LITTLE BURNT OUT. FUCK, DUDE. DON’T ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS.
But thanks. For real. And thank you, Red Idaho Potato. You’re still a goddamned inspiration to us all.
Maybe it was out of necessity, convenience, or just plain lack of desire to fit in with your stupid social norms – I grew up in a time where there were some women (albeit middle aged or older) who found it perfectly acceptable for their bras to double as wallets.
-The necessity was security. There’s places where pick-pocketing and purse/wallet snatching is a reasonable risk. Somebody’s ingenious Aunt figured out that low-lives may steal ya money in broad daylight, but they won’t reach in your bra for it… hopefully.
-The convenience was the obvious lack of an extra accessory in a leather bound wallet for ya cash (or cards depending on how serious you take your re-inforced brallet)
-As for the social norms, some of our grandmas and aunties were just weirdos and would send us to the store with their clammy/crumpled up cash that we wouldn’t dare refuse because, sometimes the road to that snack you want goes past a boob bridge you must traverse, ya know? NO? Nobody else…. yeaaa… me neither.
In this digital day and age the challenges are similar. Except now, the pocket picker doesn’t have to see or touch you. In fact, he can be halfway around the world on his laptop sifting through lines of code tryna steal my aunties money, MY ice cream money…EVEN YOUR MONEY. He’s done it at Supermarkets. He’s done it at Hotel Chains. He’s done it in Gotham City. The heartless bastard has even done it at our sandwich and ice-cream shops. DEVIANT!
But that convenience though, amirite? If you’ve bought anything online you know the necessary hassle of entering your card information on a form only to have to do it again again when the secure page crashes after. Or, if you’re in line at your local grocery store with a cart full of
candy kale potatoes, do you really wanna sift through ya bag for your wallet, then ya wallet, then count out the cash, then realize it’s not enough so you go for the debit card, nope not that one the other one, oh wait you meant your credit card and look like an idiot in front of that cute cashier who just got called to aisle 5 while you took too long? Now your wallet shenanigans have cost you precious face time with your soul mate. Now you won’t have the kids that will raise the future President of Planet Earth that could’ve been your grand son/daughter. ALL BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T HAVE A DIGITAL WALLET. Checkout how 5 major players want you to fix that problem with them:
Samsung Pay (Announced Today)
Continue reading Will You Trust Samsung, Apple, Or Google With Your Wallet?
Look at this motherfucking Red Idaho Potato. Look at it. I SAID LOOK AT IT. I found it on my kitchen counter, silently rotting away in the shadows of a never-used spice rack. See those wrinkles? Those are the creases of time. This potato has seen things, man. This potato has survived. This potato is an old soul. He moves for no one. I Snapped the potato to prove it. That Red Idaho Potato doesn’t go 0-100, bro. He’s not Drake. He keeps it straight ZERO. That potato is a goddamn inspiration to us all.
Ben threw away this potato immediately after writing this post. R.I.P. potato.