WHAT? Hostage Poses For Most Explosive Selfie Of All Time

We can’t turn a screen on without being reminded that lunatics are determined blow us up at any moments, sometimes in the most cartoonishly cliche ways possible.
Let’s recount this morning’s Egypt Air fiasco’s details, for instance. Hijacking? CHECK. Plane? CHECK. Terrified Hostages? TRIPLE CHECK – errr well, sort of.  One British fellow just couldn’t handle how cliche this Die Hard (or Speed) quasi-villain was.
He just HAD TO GET A SELFIE with this “terrorits”… and guess what? HE DID

ben innes hijacked
Say “Cheeeeez”… fine, I’ll say “Cheez”, you say “Boom” or whatever.

“I figured if his bomb was real I’d nothing lose anyway, so took a chance to get a closer look at it.”

Ben was one of the last 3 British hostages left on the plane after the others were released, and the pilot locked himself in the cockpit, and climbed out the window.

He eventually let virtually all the passengers leave, but I was left behind with two other Brits… After about half an hour at Larnaca I asked for a photo with him as we were sitting around waiting. I thought, ‘Why not? If he blows us all up it won’t matter anyway” Ben recounted the events for The Sun.

If you’re a stickler for the important details, you’re very much like Ben’s mother who pointed it out upon hearing the news of his idiot/awesome son.

All we can say is that the picture is clearly not a selfie as everyone has been describing it,” Pauline Innes told The Guardian. “You can clearly see that it is not Ben who is taking the picture. He’s in it but he’s not taking it.

Damn Brits! *smh*

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ISIS “Moron” Tweets Base Location To United States Airforce, Then…

If you MUST choose a career in terrorism, and you MUST be a direct enemy of the United States, and you JUST GOTTA update your twitter followers on your sweet new territory gains – try not imploring the most advanced intelligence and Air Force in human history to play hide and seek/destroy with you.

This is advise a selfie-stick-wielding wonderkid could’ve used (that and try not being a terrorist in the first place). Taking a selfie and posting it on social media is the kind of stunt that gets these guys off, and frankly has been effective in recruiting 3,400 Westerners (including 200 Americans according to CNN).  But, leaving your geo-tagged LOCATION on? Come on, man. That’s the kinda stunt that gets you demoted or fired from your respective terrorist cell. If nothing else, it gets a bored Air Force Pilot… FIRED UP. When he was just chillin like so:

Dude...SOMEBODY tweet meeee!
Dude…SOMEBODY tweet meeee!

According to Air Combat Command General Hawk Carlisle,

The guys working down out of Hurlburt, they’re combing through social media and they see some moron standing at this command… in some social media, open forum, bragging about the command and control capabilities for Daesh, ISIL. And these guys go: ‘We got an in.’

Let’s take a break here and imagine that scenario. Picture the young USAF intelligence officer. All he does ALL DAY is tirelessly scroll through propaganda timelines, and everything kinda blurs together after a while.  What’s the first thought that comes to mind when he realizes what they land on right before he takes a smoke bathroom break? “Nooo. This jackass CAN’T be for real!”  He calls the rest of the team like:

So everybody suits up like:

Bruh, did you hear bout the idiot who tweeted us where to send these?
“Bruh, did you hear bout the idiot who tweeted us where to send these?”

Okay, let’s let the General finish:

So they do some work, long story short, about 22 hours later through that very building, three [Joint Direct Attack Munitions] take that entire building out

Ayyy! Peep MY selfie-swag, doe! #GramOnFire
Ayyy! Peep MY selfie-swag, though! #GramOnFire

So the old saying is true… looks CAN kill.