Watch Riley Curry Be The Diva We Feared She Would Become

We called it, folks. We said it almost a year to the DATE! Don’t believe us? Just FLASHBACK HERE. You all thought it was cute, and vined it, and replayed it with your #LifeGoals hashtags! But, as always this blog saw through the smokes and mirrors.
My only regret is this line on leniency:”Never mind, Riley. Do watcha want…
With that small window of appeasement, we opened the door for a young woman in her terrible-twos to enter her  3rd year of charm with the confidence and strut of a media dictator far beyond her years.

Before you watch this disturbing footage, I have to warn you – you will never enter a party, club, church, or even your own home with this much swagger! Here is Riley entering late to Steph Curry’s MVP acceptance speech:

WHO IS SHE TALKING TO? Is that a shout-out or a warning?? Is it “I see you, we cool” or “I see you, BE COOL”??? No words this time, just pointing, strutting, and settling down from the more calm and collected diva, Riley Curry. Those reporters must have felt like a room full of Death Row artists whenever Suge Knight walked in the room!

When asked by field reporters “how do you feel about Riley Curry being the first unanimous toddler MVP?“, rival diva toddler -North West – had nothing but a simple glare in response. The look of “WTF did you just say” spoke volumes and no more questions were asked:

Watch Ya Mouth

She then hopped into her low-profile father’s executive SUV on the way to vacation where the two are said to be in shock at America’s ignorance of the “GREATEST TODDLER OF ALL TIME” – a title that is said to be already contested by her younger brother, Saint who will be graduating from infancy very soon exclusively on TIDAL.

Nori Ye
Are y’all serious???

Middle America packed in, indeed


5 Reasons To Pour Haterade All Over Steph Curry’s Life

So much hate flows through the veins on the eve of the NBA Finals. While the most polarizing character may still be Lebron James for some idiots who secretly wish he chose Chicago on “The Decision”, and are just mad he’s ballin so hard that he approaches the top of Mount Jordan with each new game, stat, and season he checks off, this African directs his hatention towards his light-skinned-brethren in the Bay Area. Splash Brother #1, Steph Curry just has life WAY TOO FIGURED OUT, and here’s the proof:

Here’s Steph cooking with his gorgeous wife, Ayeesha. You might say,”So what? Plenty families cook, Siya!”. Okay, but do they cook to the tune of a Drake song with a line dedicated their family’s namesake, that they then meticulously remix to fit said cooking? DIDN’T THINK SO! Drake made it a hot line, they made it a hot song:

Here’s Splash Broseph Stalin at the Warriors practice facility. Forget about the one handed half-court shot. Forget that it was no-look. Forget that it was BEHIND HIS BACK. Forget all that for one second. But, look at that swaggerific strut away from the scene of the heinous crime. As if he does this all day, everyday, and twice on Sundays! Who does this guy THINK HE IS? King James, please attend to this!

Speaking of King James, back when he was in Miami and could afford to be liberal with praise of the young-gunner (while $hittin on Chalmers as was routinely necessary in those days). “THREE HESIS? You a BAD muh*ucka

… Ofcourse that was before Golden State was even a contender to get in his way of another championship… these days he keeps his respectful distance

Here are the Curries once again. This time they’re under the iron fist of the bed-time-hatin, press-conference-crashin, nap-mongering “Boss Baby” Judge dictator, Riley Curry. The specialty? Chicken curry, ofcourse!

Convinced yet? Curry’s got it all figured out and I hate it.