Watch The Goofiest And Most Awesome TD Celebration Of The Year, Thank Antonio Brown

As Future once surmised, “you do watchu want when you poppin”. Well it don’t get mo poppin than being virtually unstoppable by ANY cornerback  on the field, and  being arguably the best receiver in football (shut up, Julio!). Big Ben knows it when he lobs bombs miles where he knows Brown will reach no matter what, and special teams everywhere better recognize it when they punt to the man. Unless of course they wanna set the mood for Brown and his new found love, the goalpost.

You do watchu want when you poppin

Watch this goofy ass celebration that you should NEVER try at home if you wanna keep your family jewels:

This makes way more sense in cartoon form: Continue reading Watch The Goofiest And Most Awesome TD Celebration Of The Year, Thank Antonio Brown

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Veterans Day Perspective: Protesting Is Patriotic

For a lot of young Americans, Veterans Day, Memorial Day, D-Day, and maybe July 4th is when they’re mostly made aware of what the armed forces do for love of country and why that’s dope. Perhaps, that’s why this short yak caught some wind on the University of Iowa’s Yik Yak (THE most American Yik Yaks of them all, I might add. Go Hawks! Stanzi 3:16 😉 )


While I can imagine the perspective the yakker writer was seeing such a protest from, I can’t imagine a MORE perfect time to protest the Continue reading Veterans Day Perspective: Protesting Is Patriotic

Watch Waka Flocka Do The Weather Well… Then End Hilariously Terrible

Okay… never mind Flocka’s Al Roker impression. We’ll gloss right over that for a second. Never mind his grotesque punography using what I can confirm is one of Ben’s Top 10 Songs EVER to present the weather.

Rain Rain, Go Away

Skip right over that too. Waka came to the boonies of South Carolina to perform at a local FLOOD RELIEF concert. Up and up, right? Sooo given THOSE circumstances, whaaat would be the appropriate response to a “7 Day Forecast”, presidential candidate Waka? -_- Jus… Just PRESS PLAY

Bass Bigot, Michael Dunn Gets Life No Parole For “Loud Music” Black Killing

SHORT version: HE GONE! SUPERBOWL NUMBERS!

Long Version: Barbaric premeditated murder on the basis of our cultural, physical, and even behavioral differences has NO PLACE in today’s society.

[BASBS.COM] We’ll keep fighting for more district attorneys, police departments, and juries across the nation to mirror this protection for human dignity and life. [BASBS.COM]

Fine, Then! Mass Shootings Are The New Norm Now. Cool?

“America is the greatest country in the world… could be the greatest country EVER… if we just (faced some of our ugliness with bravery)”

-Dave Chappelle on Inside The Actor’s Studio

Drafted, deleted, rewrote, and undid the first line countless times before realizing the truth – the ridiculous truth that we as the United States have come to accept in our collective moral stalemate and ineptitude on the elephant in the room.

With one swipe scrollin on my timeline, I landed on “Shooter Reported on College Campus In Oregon, 15 Dead...” and was annoyed. Annoyed that I opened this app in the first place. Annoyed that I didn’t have to open the article to read and know the predictable story line. Mostly, annoyed that this has become an ANNOYANCE… Not even the mass shootings themselves, THE REPORTING on them. WHAT are we shedding light on that we don’t all know and feel strongly one way or the other about already?

This is no longer news. Same $hit different day:

We know exactly how the reactions roll out:

So, THERE! It has happened, finally. Actually, it’s BEEN happening since Columbine…and Virginia Tech… and Newtown…A LOT. Mass Shootings are the new norm now. Despite the annoyance, I imagine a future where this is NOT an issue any longer and wonder. I wonder what will we say for ourselves. What will future generations say about that idiotic problem the supposedly most civilized and advanced nation in the world had after countless hints, shots, and bodies pointed at the problem while everyone pointed fingers at each other and did NOTHING?

For the record this marks the 45th School Shooting of 2015. It also marks the 145th school shooting since Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown.

Thank New Daily Show Host Trevor Noah, If You’re 1 Of These 3 Americans!

It’s about TIME! Do you realize how many times I have heard you people speak and wanted to tear my hair out??? A lot, that’s how much! This is why I don’t have the dreadlocks I was destined to have.

{Ben’s Note: Woah, woah, woah! What the fuck do you mean “YOU PEOPLE”?}

Here’s a test. Read the following words out loud: “NIKE”… “AUNT”… “ZEBRA”. Easy, right?

If you’re one of these 3 people, you are “YOU PEOPLE”, and I hate you. Fix Yourself:

1. You read the sports apparel name as “ny-kee”. -_- Oh, you did? When did you learn to ride a “bi-kee”, huh? Think this will get a buncha “li-kees” when you share it with your dumb friends on facebook-ee? WELL, DO YA, PUNK-EE?

2. Your parent’s sister is actually a small disproportionately strong insect. She lives in an ant-hill, and serves the collective will of the colony. Why else would you pronounce her title like that?  You should be pronouncing it like the delicious pastry “croissANT”. On another note, French is idiotic too. Way dumber. Let’s just surrender that battle of pronunciation and hope Americans have a plan to help.

3. Ever met a chick named Debra? I bet you did, and thought “I’ll have NO problem pronouncing THAT girl’s name. Debra… Debra Debra Debra Debraaaaa”  Then, you were smacked in the head with a stupid stick, and when you saw this striped animal, your brain forgot how to pronounce her name, and that’s why you should thank my fellow South African, Trevor Noah for restoring your speech and pathology here:

FINALLY: McDonalds Breakfast Will Be ALL DAY!

Black Bond? HELL NO! World Peace? HIGHLY UNLIKELY. Waking up in time for McDonalds breakfast… or finding enough time to pass by the golden arches in the morning… or your freshman roommate letting you borrow his car to get it before they close? {YOUR PARENTS GOT YOU THE CAR, JEREMY…YOU ATE ALL MY BACON, YOU SELFISH JACKASS!}

Worry about this conundrum no more! It is history. It is done. The wait is over. Hell – the weight on ALL our morning shoulders is over (although you’ll put on more, now).  Without further adieu, it is our pleasure to bring you the most refreshing news to start, continue, or end your day:

Continue reading FINALLY: McDonalds Breakfast Will Be ALL DAY!