Watch Riley Curry Be The Diva We Feared She Would Become

We called it, folks. We said it almost a year to the DATE! Don’t believe us? Just FLASHBACK HERE. You all thought it was cute, and vined it, and replayed it with your #LifeGoals hashtags! But, as always this blog saw through the smokes and mirrors.
My only regret is this line on leniency:”Never mind, Riley. Do watcha want…
With that small window of appeasement, we opened the door for a young woman in her terrible-twos to enter her  3rd year of charm with the confidence and strut of a media dictator far beyond her years.

Before you watch this disturbing footage, I have to warn you – you will never enter a party, club, church, or even your own home with this much swagger! Here is Riley entering late to Steph Curry’s MVP acceptance speech:

WHO IS SHE TALKING TO? Is that a shout-out or a warning?? Is it “I see you, we cool” or “I see you, BE COOL”??? No words this time, just pointing, strutting, and settling down from the more calm and collected diva, Riley Curry. Those reporters must have felt like a room full of Death Row artists whenever Suge Knight walked in the room!

When asked by field reporters “how do you feel about Riley Curry being the first unanimous toddler MVP?“, rival diva toddler -North West – had nothing but a simple glare in response. The look of “WTF did you just say” spoke volumes and no more questions were asked:

north-west-ballet-bun
Watch Ya Mouth

She then hopped into her low-profile father’s executive SUV on the way to vacation where the two are said to be in shock at America’s ignorance of the “GREATEST TODDLER OF ALL TIME” – a title that is said to be already contested by her younger brother, Saint who will be graduating from infancy very soon exclusively on TIDAL.

Nori Ye
Are y’all serious???

Middle America packed in, indeed

Advertisements

Aaron Rodgers Is MVP Honors, Cam Newton Is Honorable Mention, And Tom Brady Is GOAT

Sunday Football came as a necessary entertainment break from the tragic events worldwide including terrorist attacks in international cities, Beirut, and Paris. Every game held a moment of silence for the victims, including Lambeau Field. That’s when some jackass chose to yell “muslims suck!”, with the timing of a Congressman yelling “you lie”.

Well, Green Bay QB heard that and called the fan out:

You get the MVP Award of the week, champ.

 

Now CAM… you undefeated, juggernaut of a man-child you! I say “Man-Child” referring to almighty Cam because of how much he is man-handling defenses on the line of scrimmage, and INSTANTLY followin that up with being delightfully (unless you’re a defense tryna stop him) childish EVERY TIME. Watch and laugh:

and Tom Brady?

Continue reading Aaron Rodgers Is MVP Honors, Cam Newton Is Honorable Mention, And Tom Brady Is GOAT

The 2015 NBA Finals Preview

THE FINALS ARE HERE! THE FINALS ARE HERE! THE FINALS ARE HERE! Are you fucking ready or what?

It’s been a while since I’ve dove off the deep end into some NBA coverage. But dude… IT’S THE FINALS. LEBRON VS CURRY. MVP VS MVP. Oh man, I’m ridiculously excited. I had to jump back in! In honor of the best two week stretch of the year, here are some key head to head (but not in the literal matchup-on-the-court basketball sense) battles that will decide the NBA Finals. If you possess superb attention to detail you might notice that I’ve listed the Golden State Warriors player first in every title. That’s because they’re the higher seed. It’s also because *SPOILER ALERT* I think they’re going to win the series. Continue reading The 2015 NBA Finals Preview

Steph Curry’s Daughter Stole The Show, And I Hate It

OGER-ALERT! Come on, its distracting. MVP Steph Curry just crushed and helped lock in the first close win at home against the Houston Rockets. Just to be clear, it was hilarious, and she’s a ridiculously adorable 2 year old.  All-Star Weekend? Just won the 3 point contest? Regular Season last game? Just won the NBA Finals? PERFECT! It’s a celebration!

But, it’s late (reporters gotta hand in quotes, basketball fans are listening to what the MVP has to say about out-playing his runner-up in the conference final), and overcoming a 15-point deficit.  There were at least two occasions when Steph had to break the flow of the press conference to ask a reporter to repeat questions, or look for the little cute bugger duckin under desks.  Being MVP and all, maybe that’s an unwritten right that comes with the award. But the rest of yall, better not start doing this! Definitely not the losers!

“Um… yall act like you never seen a cute toddler before”

AAAAH FORGET IT! Look at that yawn! That sneeze!! That silly wave!!! WERE THOSE DOLPHIN NOISES??? Never mind, Riley. Do watcha want, girl! (Maybe I’m just jealous my bedtime was a lot more strict at 2 years old).

Russell Westbrook Is A Human Yin-Yang

westbrook

Just like has been all season, Russell Westbrook put on a show yesterday.  Just like it has been all season, that show was equal parts terrible and breathtaking.  Russell Westbrook is a basketball paradox.  Russell Westbrook is both parts of one whole.  Russell Westbrook is a yin-yang.  Need proof?  Let’s break it down below. Continue reading Russell Westbrook Is A Human Yin-Yang

Watch Russell Westbrook Win MVP Off The Court With A Touching Assist

OKC Thunder superstar Russell Westbrook executes the perfect hand-off from his All Star Weekend trophy car.  Single mother of two is graduating from college soon. So the Triple-Double-Machine put his “Russell Westbrook Why Not?” Foundation to work on an early graduation present for her.  It was a… SLAM DUNK of a surprise.

Get it? Since he’s a basketball player? So it’s like… a metaphor! Its a metaphor for how well he executed that! See? HAHA! Just watch the video and say “awwww”.