Flashback Friday: Top 10 Durag Moments Of All Time… And A Lie

Ben’s freakin out ALL MONTH about spider eyes which he describes as  “loose remnants of damned human souls” among other things that scare him, and folks again mass shootin again. My birthday is Monday, and I wanna laugh. I’ll laugh at the young me trying sleeping with a durag on to “get them waves on lock”. Then one day, I woke up with the headache those usually come with, and realized “Wait a minute.. I’m African.. My hair’s suPPOSED to be nappy AF. Skip All that!” It’s been nap city every since, on this side! Ain’t no lookin back, baby! Well maybe just this once…

Join me, and take a trip with us down memory lane on this week’s Top 10 Moments In Durag History: Continue reading Flashback Friday: Top 10 Durag Moments Of All Time… And A Lie

Advertisements

Watch How To Trap A BumbleBee And Take Cheap Shots At Your Team

I didn’t choose the blog life, the blog life chose me! This can be stressful – especially when your co-writer’s an English major grammar-Nazi:


But, as the saying goes “sticks and stones may break ya bones, but bumblebees will sting the $hit out of your double grammar-queen face”…How’s that, BEN? Does THAT pass your final edit!!! So, when you find your place of peaceful contemplation, and a perpetratin-ass-bumblebee is ALL up in ya… BeezNess, what do you do?


Well, we’re here for you, friendly readers. Here’s a Step by step plan of attack:
1. First pick a tool for the problem:


2. Okay, maybe the tool ain’t enough. It’s one thing to TRAP a bumblebee but, if you wanna walk away with your eyeballs in tact and stinger-free, you better pick a SMARTER tool… So retreat, and dodge like Mayweather:


3. Here we go. This one’s CLEAR. Why? So you can see the buzzing beast bounce around before he pounces at your head like a face-hugger from the Alien movies!

YEA…THATS WHY:


4. Trap him with a paper on top. It was windy out, so I used thin cardboard. This African is takin NO chances. He might hate you at this point, the Lil Bee might even wanna go kamikaze on your family, but when he sees you were setting him free. He’ll thank you:


That, or he’ll go get trapped in another screened porch like an idiot, meet his fate in the beak of a lucky bird becoming (wait for it) Buzzfeed, or use his legs in a flower orgy in the sweet sweet looove makin act of pollination. Bee easy, Pimpin!

Viral Graphic Analysis: The Only Stat That Matters With Jordan And LeBron

Salute to King James. It’s no secret that I’m #TeamLeBron, but we gotta pump the brakes on the standom here. This viral graphic has been flooding timelines since it was announced that Lebron would sponsor college scholarships in his hometown.  That’s very generously thoughtful and we’re a fan of the kindness, but this here is absolute rubbish. Say it with me, now…Athletes/Celebrities OWE US NOTHING. “The only stat that counts” in comparing these two greats is the NBA championships. PERIOD. JORDAN IS 6/6, LEBRON IS 2/4. So, what Jordan and LeBron do with their billion-dollar earned wealth (Jordan – present, LeBron – future) maybe worth celebrating, but can NOT be used in the already fiery age-old debate about the two.

THAT SAID, we might as well air out some…damp laundry. Sorry, I’m not sorry, BEN and all Jordan-worshipers:

1. I still believe LeBron would wax MJ 1-on-1 (bigger, faster, stronger. please shut up – my reasoning is as iron clad as yours).

2.  I would even say Dream Team would get the business from 2014 Olympic Team,

3. and yes… I’m a Pats fan CLEARLY, and I put my coat on when Kearse made that cursed-freak pass, so the Seahawks DEFINITELY should have ran the damn ball!

GOT EEEM: Shaq Is Mercilessly Cyberbullying Scottie Pippen For Our Amusement.

Shaq is enjoying his summer, but does not have Charles Barkley to publicly troll on national TV as he did during the NBA season. So in his time off “gone fishin“, he put out a ‘gram of bait with an interesting debate out there to start off the week:

Scottie beamed on up for the bite. He just can’t get enough of edifying himself as the great we all know he is. But, he poked a very bored bear in literal hibernation:

*sigh* Bad-Boy, Baby. Shaq can’t stop… won’t stop. eh-eh, eh-eh. Nice visual ya got there, Scottie… be a shaaame if somethin were to happen to it:

So Pippen switched guns, and fired at Shaq’s free throw misfires:

Shaq found a life-long chink in Scottie’s armor, and just kept firing, adding a special shout-out to his old endorsement company.

Continue reading GOT EEEM: Shaq Is Mercilessly Cyberbullying Scottie Pippen For Our Amusement.

40 Years Of Practice Makes Perfect! Birthday Tribute To The Answer

You may know him for the infamous “Practice Rant“.  Sure, that might be the defining clip that sports and pop culture has chosen to go with. But, that’s as fitting of a description of the man’s legacy as summing up President Bill Clinton’s two terms in office with the”I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman” clip on loops everytime he’s mentioned.  You’re missing why and how significant the man was to his trade at the time he was active, and the impact he left behind.


That impact resonates to this day in how today’s best NBA Player talks about my favorite of all time pictured above. I’m doomed in 6ixers fandom forever, because of that 2001 Playoffs I watched him, Dikembe, and Larry Brown drag scrubs to the finals against Kobe, Shaq, and Big Phil.  Feel free to instagram search “Allen Iverson” to see the pop culture impact AI had on the NBA image-wise from the cornrows, to the tattoos that today seem all too much the norm.  Watch Russell Westbrook, 2008 Rajon Rondo, and Kyrie Irving (hopefully next season, since he’s out for his first finals) to see guys who have emulated the tenacity, hard-drive, and relentless doggishness of the point guard position.  Like AI – but, perhaps not to such a degree – these guys have paid dearly for that hard play with crippling injuries as they put the team on their respective backs.

That’s what made watching AI exciting to watch night after night (even in regular season).  You knew he left EVERYTHING on the court. Off the court, he was no less influential (perhaps even more).  They changed rules because of this guy- On and off the court. The current dress code banning Timberland boots, do-rags, and fitted hats instituted by then commissioner David Stern? Allen Iverson.  The “Iverson Rule” inspired dribble policy that gave defenders a chance to piece together their ankles? The Answer! Don’t believe me? Ask Jordan, and everyone else who tried to square up against the man.  No amount of practice can give anybody a chance against that.  Jordan is undisputed as a player.  However, the swagger of a ball player as we know it today is ultimately defined by this guy.  That will never be the same. 40 years of practicing it on and off the court made it perfect. Long Live, The Answer!

The 2015 NBA Finals Preview

THE FINALS ARE HERE! THE FINALS ARE HERE! THE FINALS ARE HERE! Are you fucking ready or what?

It’s been a while since I’ve dove off the deep end into some NBA coverage. But dude… IT’S THE FINALS. LEBRON VS CURRY. MVP VS MVP. Oh man, I’m ridiculously excited. I had to jump back in! In honor of the best two week stretch of the year, here are some key head to head (but not in the literal matchup-on-the-court basketball sense) battles that will decide the NBA Finals. If you possess superb attention to detail you might notice that I’ve listed the Golden State Warriors player first in every title. That’s because they’re the higher seed. It’s also because *SPOILER ALERT* I think they’re going to win the series. Continue reading The 2015 NBA Finals Preview

5 Reasons To Pour Haterade All Over Steph Curry’s Life

So much hate flows through the veins on the eve of the NBA Finals. While the most polarizing character may still be Lebron James for some idiots who secretly wish he chose Chicago on “The Decision”, and are just mad he’s ballin so hard that he approaches the top of Mount Jordan with each new game, stat, and season he checks off, this African directs his hatention towards his light-skinned-brethren in the Bay Area. Splash Brother #1, Steph Curry just has life WAY TOO FIGURED OUT, and here’s the proof:

Here’s Steph cooking with his gorgeous wife, Ayeesha. You might say,”So what? Plenty families cook, Siya!”. Okay, but do they cook to the tune of a Drake song with a line dedicated their family’s namesake, that they then meticulously remix to fit said cooking? DIDN’T THINK SO! Drake made it a hot line, they made it a hot song:

Here’s Splash Broseph Stalin at the Warriors practice facility. Forget about the one handed half-court shot. Forget that it was no-look. Forget that it was BEHIND HIS BACK. Forget all that for one second. But, look at that swaggerific strut away from the scene of the heinous crime. As if he does this all day, everyday, and twice on Sundays! Who does this guy THINK HE IS? King James, please attend to this!

Speaking of King James, back when he was in Miami and could afford to be liberal with praise of the young-gunner (while $hittin on Chalmers as was routinely necessary in those days). “THREE HESIS? You a BAD muh*ucka

… Ofcourse that was before Golden State was even a contender to get in his way of another championship… these days he keeps his respectful distance

Here are the Curries once again. This time they’re under the iron fist of the bed-time-hatin, press-conference-crashin, nap-mongering “Boss Baby” Judge dictator, Riley Curry. The specialty? Chicken curry, ofcourse!

Convinced yet? Curry’s got it all figured out and I hate it.