Potato Of The Day Episode 96

romatomatoesSorry if I’m a little subdued today guys, but this morning I suffered a little trauma. Some dude hit my Roma tomatoes. Yeah, I know. It’s just not right. I’m still recovering, still a little sore over the whole ordeal. Frankly, right when it happened, I wanted to puke. But I didn’t. I’m a man. Have to stay strong in the face of adversity and all that, you know? So I just knelt down and held those hurting Romas in my hand, and I nurtured them. And then I tried to go about my day, but dude, that Roma hurt is still there.

What kind of man hits another man’s Romas? That’s sacred fruit we’re talking about! You don’t do that. It’s not cool. No, it’s not. Romas are precious. They should be treated like the fragile Faberge eggs that they are, protected and guarded like family jewels. Because really, they need our protection, and our consensual agreement not to attack them. They’re helpless! You don’t attack the garden area, man. That’s gotta be in the Geneva Conventions. Someone please look that up for me. I would, but, I’m so hurt, I can’t bear the thought of standing. I’m drowning in a pool of deeply emotional physical pain, you know?

Can you picture how hard it would be to be a Roma? To live that life? The same thing, day in, day out, unless your world is ripped apart by a sudden and unexpected attack. Sure, there’s minor variance in the Roma world, they come in different shapes and sizes, varying in color and hue, some wrinkling, some smooth, some filled with way more juice than others, but in the end, they’re all biologically the same. They’re all Romas! They all get by with nothing more than a thin layer of skin covering their seed. They all bruise. They all dangle just below the vine.

I can’t stop thinking about all those other poor Roma tomatoes suffering rampant abuse in the world. It might be accidental, a little love tap. It might be intentional, a deliberate kick. But either way, it’s all pain. There’s nothing good that comes from Roma hurt. You know what happens when you get hurt, like a real nasty, cut or scratch? You have to sterilize the wound. Well the same is true for your Romas. If they get hurt badly enough, they get sterilized. We can’t have that. It’s bad for their species. It’s bad for our species. Protect the Roma tomatoes, dude. It’s the right thing to do.

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One Video Proving The Eastern Conference Finals Are Already Over

https://vine.co/v/eAVZQ9b70wl/embed/simple

After a relentless splashfest of J.R. Smith’s franchise play-off record breaking EIGHT 3 pointers, the guy who’s record he broke became the straw that broke the Atlanta Hawks back in the last minute to nab Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals in Atlanta.

“Coach drew up the play, and we executed to the best of our ability… (when the team is shooting that well, it opens the floor like that”

That was Lebron’s recap of the play, and the team sure did. What started as a basic pick-and-roll move turned into a typical highlight reel for King James – which had Kyle Koerver (and seemingly the rest of the Hawks) flying away from the paint like kitchen roaches when the lights cut on.  Were the Cavs shooting the lights out? Sure. Were the Hawks cheating ahead of expecting a dish to the perimeter from the hyper-aware assist machine that Lebron also is? Probably, but once that train started lugging down the paint in the last minute, it was clear where he was going and Koerver took the “hide yo wife, hide yo kids” approach like “mama, there goes that Monster”. Here it is from a more telling angle: https://vine.co/v/eAVAdjYD3mg/embed/simple

Unfortunately for Atlanta the one guy who had the heart to be present and contest Lebron defensively – DeMarre Carroll – went down earlier in the game after a knee sprain. Anything less than a 100% healthy Caroll will be a distraction at best: to the abuse the Atlanta Hawks are poised to face the rest of this series. Stick a fork in em, the Eastern Conference Finals are already over.