Welcome To October, I Guess

Did you feel that cold sting this morning, that sudden blast of chill scraping against your cheek? The black hand of fall is officially here, driven forth in a sleigh named October. Great. Look, I don’t care if you’re a fall person, that’s dope, whatever, enjoy your cinnamon tinted cider and display worthy Speckled Swan Gourds, but even you, the biggest fanatical fall loving, sweater seasoning rocking, disciple of painted leaves, can cop to fall’s dirty secret: it’s a harbinger of death.

I’m not just talking total life death either, the collapse of the living green we call nature. I’m talking depicted death, the pinnacle of bloodletting movie season. I’m talking costumed death, the macabre celebrations of masked men parading as monsters. I’m talking commercial death, the condescending crapshoot of politico propamercials and forced holiday consumerism. Winter might be the bleakest of deathly moments, but Black Friday is its flirty cousin. And October marks the start of all of that bullshit.

In cynical celebration of our favorite death celebrating season, we’re going all out on fear based topics this month. Call it Halloween homage if you will, but recognize that we’re just trying to get by, sticking our heads deep down in the pile of decaying leaves blowing up against your front door, hiding away from the truth: warm weather is gone, everything is dying, winter is knocking, we’re all fucking doomed. Stay tuned.