Word to Prince – enjoy ya self
Word to Prince – enjoy ya self
Look, we get it. Friday’s are checkout days. In fact, here’s an excerpt based on a convo from last Friday:
Me: “When are we starting that new section of our fledgling blog again?”
Ben: “i dunno whenever…? Not on Friday though lol. Fridays are for slacking!”
Me: “*sigh… should there be a particular day for it?” (equally blase)
Ben: “Probably mannnnn. Like Thursday”
See? We’re right there with ya. But, that’s no excuse to start this nonsense, Internet! As Leland already previewed for us, the N.W.A. Biopic Straight Outta Compton is comin out. Apple/Beatbydre/Some-Movie-studio knows you all had checked out and were at Happy Hour, so they set this bait of a website and just watched. It’s clear it worked on you simpletons, and it didn’t take long! We’re very disappointed in what you did over the weekend, Internet! Very disappointed! *whispers*… its hilarious though, keep it up:
Well, not according to his poll numbers – amirite 😉 ?
Jerome’s in the house, watch ya mooooouf. #OriginalsPlaya
Original Rolling Stone, amirite?
Black America’s favorite white boy since Eminem via TV Show, Power. New Wire?
The horror when people first see my iFun’s screen is only matched by the horror when they see the the 43 tabs on my Chrome browser, or the suppressed anger in my co-blogger’s voice begging me to clear the 12 unfinished posts in the draft-log. Checkout the first page, and see if its that bad:
This first App Appetizer is dedicated to reducing the problem, avoiding the horror, and soothing the anger. “When you find something you want to view later, put it in Pocket.” is their slogan and pretty much explains it. Here’s how it works. If you copy any url from your browser and open the app, it’s ready to gobble it up like:
Taylor Swift is the Lisa Simpson of the music industry. She’s that know-it-all, that happens to be actually right most of the time, and always shows up her peers and sometimes perceived superiors.
And look, I’ll be the first to admit it, I hate that. Maybe I’m just biased because her music is not exactly my shower-tunes (except when I “Shake It Off” drying out from the shower – enjoy that mental image forever now), but even I in my haterade shower dancing can’t deny that in the battle for your streaming bucks between Spotify, Apple Music, and (lets be real) OTHERS, T-Swift is the Gettysburg. She’s the D-Day. Her latest album “1989” sold 1.2 Million copies on the first week back in October of last year. To date it is still at the #2 Album spot with over 6 Million American, and close to 10 million worldwide sales. All in all – whoever does right by T-Swift, wins a major battle in the hearts and minds of young streamers.
Naturally, everybody freaked the hell out when she hinted at keeping her blockbuster album off the new Apple Music streaming service via a blog post on her tumblr page:
“Three months is a long time to go unpaid, and to work for nothing…change this policy…We don’t ask you for free iPhones. Please don’t ask us to provide you with our music for no compensation.”
OH YEA? You might not be ready to be mainstreaming ANY of Taylor’s jelly, buddy.
Fair’s fare, Lisa Simpson. Fare’s fair. Apple’s SVP of Internet Software and Services immediately took the hint and didn’t make the same mistake:
Now, it could be that Apple pays folks next to nothing for that first 3 months, but the point is that they made artists FEEL HEARD AND RESPECTED. Something the recording industry (even the new streamin avenue has failed to really do). We all know artists (especially Swifty Hussle) are all about the
Maybe it’s because I’ve got Apple on the brain, or maybe it’s just because I’m in a pissy mood today and wanted to talk to someone as bitter as I am, I really don’t know. But regardless the reasoning, I hung out with my old friend Green Apple this afternoon. And dude, let me tell you, that is one cranky, tart bastard. I knew there was a reason we hadn’t hung out in a while, but I couldn’t quite remember why, the fog of time had drifted in, unsettling my reserve of dedicated memory space to my time spent with Green Apple. I wish had taken more gingko or played more of those cardboard matching games as a child, because I really could have used those memories. I really could have used a warning.
Chilling with Green Apple always starts off innocently enough. You think to yourself, oh he can’t be so bad, he’s an apple. After all, apples are sweet, delicious creatures, grown for their juice and their ability to ward off roaming packs of feral doctors (everyone knows it only takes one apple a day to keep your home safe from rabid rheumatologists). But those apples you’re picturing in your head, the ones that keep juice boxes plump, the ones that keep children satiated during snack time, the ones that vaporize intruder immunologists like the sun turning vampires to dust, those are all RED apples. They’re sure as shit not Green Apple. Green Apple ain’t here to play. He’s here to make trouble, snort cocaine, and hump bitches (definitely his words, not mine). And he’s all out of bitches and blow.
In a span of sixteen minutes, give or take an imaginary amount of enough time to make this parable of personification remotely plausible, Green Apple unleashed a horror show on everyone around us. I watched him tie a woman’s stiletto shoelaces together (I know stilettos don’t have shoe laces, but imagine if they DID), replace an old man’s glasses with two empty toilet paper rolls taped together, and trek through a freshly carpeted house wearing nothing but blood-soaked slaughterhouse boots. But that’s not even the worst. Nope. I watched that deviant sourpuss put a lit cigar in an infant child’s birthday cake like a candle, set a up a blowing box fan across the table from the child, gather the child’s family to stand around the child singing “Happy Birthday”, and proceed to tell the poor kid to blow out his candle, the result a billowing cloud of cigar smoke sent blowing back into the baby’s face via box fan.
Yup, dude is a straight up jerk. Don’t hang out with Green Apple.
On Monday, Apple unveiled plans to enter the music streaming service arena, debuting their design for Apple Music. Naturally, we disagree on how successful this streaming service will be.
By Apple standards, Apple music is going to tank. They’re just way too far behind the Spotify cocaine bag.
Ya think??? I wholeheartedly disagree.
There’s nothing differentiating it from the other services. It’s the same music at the same price point. So why should I switch? All my playlists are already built on other platforms. You think I have the time to rebuild Morning Commutes on that shit? No. I barely have time to post this week.
1. They have hundreds of millions of users already vertically connected via devices, and iTunes Store accounts ALREADY (complete with credit cards.) That’s HALF the battle. Continue reading Bobbing for Apple: Will Apple Music Float Or Sink?
I shattered my phone screen and I still didn’t buy a case.
I currently rock an iFunSIX®™©, which is not an endorsement of the phone (though if you DO want your company’s name here, holler at this dude. I will sell out for cash. #nobrandintegrity), but is an actual fact. It’s the fourth or fifth iteration of the Fruit Phone I’ve owned. Never once during any of those purchases have I felt the need to get an extended warranty or a phone case. Every single time I’ve declined those two options, I’ve had the exact same conversation with the exact same spray-tanned sales rep. Continue reading Ben’s Diary: I Shattered My Phone Screen And I Still Didn’t Buy A Case