Maybe it was out of necessity, convenience, or just plain lack of desire to fit in with your stupid social norms – I grew up in a time where there were some women (albeit middle aged or older) who found it perfectly acceptable for their bras to double as wallets.
-The necessity was security. There’s places where pick-pocketing and purse/wallet snatching is a reasonable risk. Somebody’s ingenious Aunt figured out that low-lives may steal ya money in broad daylight, but they won’t reach in your bra for it… hopefully.
-The convenience was the obvious lack of an extra accessory in a leather bound wallet for ya cash (or cards depending on how serious you take your re-inforced brallet)
-As for the social norms, some of our grandmas and aunties were just weirdos and would send us to the store with their clammy/crumpled up cash that we wouldn’t dare refuse because, sometimes the road to that snack you want goes past a boob bridge you must traverse, ya know? NO? Nobody else…. yeaaa… me neither.
In this digital day and age the challenges are similar. Except now, the pocket picker doesn’t have to see or touch you. In fact, he can be halfway around the world on his laptop sifting through lines of code tryna steal my aunties money, MY ice cream money…EVEN YOUR MONEY. He’s done it at Supermarkets. He’s done it at Hotel Chains. He’s done it in Gotham City. The heartless bastard has even done it at our sandwich and ice-cream shops. DEVIANT!
But that convenience though, amirite? If you’ve bought anything online you know the necessary hassle of entering your card information on a form only to have to do it again again when the secure page crashes after. Or, if you’re in line at your local grocery store with a cart full of candykalepotatoes, do you really wanna sift through ya bag for your wallet, then ya wallet, then count out the cash, then realize it’s not enough so you go for the debit card, nope not that one the other one, oh wait you meant your credit card and look like an idiot in front of that cute cashier who just got called to aisle 5 while you took too long? Now your wallet shenanigans have cost you precious face time with your soul mate. Now you won’t have the kids that will raise the future President of Planet Earth that could’ve been your grand son/daughter. ALL BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T HAVE A DIGITAL WALLET. Checkout how 5 major players want you to fix that problem with them:
You’ve thought it, posted it and regretted it. Sometimes, you may have been a bit bigoted jackhole, sometimes you were somewhere in between Trevor Noah, Jerry Seinfeld, and Curtis Jackson. Whatever the case is, its clear in 2015 – more than ever – that somewhere, somehow even Gandhi’s dieting, and Mother Teresa’s prude self would be crossing the line for some poor sap who is a offense-detector. Here’s a hilarious take on how to avoid an AIDS fire, ebola hurricane, or meningitis tsunami or any biting comeback in such an event:
The horror when people first see my iFun’s screen is only matched by the horror when they see the the 43 tabs on my Chrome browser, or the suppressed anger in my co-blogger’s voice begging me to clear the 12 unfinished posts in the draft-log. Checkout the first page, and see if its that bad:
This first App Appetizer is dedicated to reducing the problem, avoiding the horror, and soothing the anger. “When you find something you want to view later, put it in Pocket.” is their slogan and pretty much explains it. Here’s how it works. If you copy any url from your browser and open the app, it’s ready to gobble it up like:
Downloading music was cool – till it was “not so cool” to download music and they arrested people to make examples of them. We started on Napster, when that was a free thing. Then they got busted, and spiderman’s brother – Sean Parker moved along amicably. So did we, to Kazaa (or Bearshare, or whatever P2P sharing system got those viruses on your parents’ computers, but you denied it like the stone-cold vigilante you were). All along, the bit-rate (basically how good the code makes the music file sound based on how its compressed If I lost ya already, its okay to move along and skip through) was confined to the bit-rate of around 128 kbps governed by the widely accepted “.mp3 standard”.
That was a mistake we made. All of us: the music industry that allowed that to be how music was digitally distributed, the hardware makers of “.mp3 players” (remember those?), and artists for allowing their hours of laborious art-work to go down the digital drain never to be appreciated again. That is bad!
How bad? That is the audio equivalent of watching the 3-D movie Avatar on that black and white T.V. with a big butt that your grandmother refused to let you connect your Nintendo to. That is like viewing a Picasso painting or Basquiat for you new-age hippies through an Instagram-filtered photo taken from your friend’s iPhone 4 on that Euro-trip they took with their family.
[Sidenote: NOBODY CARES, JANET! YOUR FAMILY MIGHT BE “CULTURED” AND LOADED WITH FREQUENT FLIER MILES, BUT EVER THINK YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT IF YOU’RE INSTATWEETBOOKING EVERY GALLERY AND MONUMENT? IT’S ALMOST 4TH OF JULY, AND YOU’RE NOT HERE! ENJOY BEING “ON FLEEK” IN FOREIGN LANDS AND ABANDONING AMERICA! That’s BASICALLY TREASON. ALSO… get a better camera, OH WAIT YOU CAN’T IT’S AN IPHONE 4, YOUR PARENTS DON’T LOVE YOU, BYE JANET! BURN]
So here we are today. Streaming is the water all levels of listeners and audiophiles sip from. The convenience of poppin open your Youtube (variable), Spotify (320 kbps), or – as of today – Apple Music app (256kbps) and hearing your jam instantly is unbeatable. That’s fair. However some of us dinosaurs still have the iPod Classic with a click-wheel (its 160 Gigs in the palm of my hand. Stream THAT). We also load individual files to our iFuns (Pandora, and iTunes haven’t quite kept up with extensive catalogues of Young Thug, and Gucci Mane). Whether it’s that, or putting together a dj set – the difference is definitely notable when your earphones or speakers puke out an .mp3 version of a mastered instrumentally dynamic album by D’Angelo, Kendrick Lamar, or Muse. While streaming is still in its infancy (though growing fast), this is one of the main issues it is supposed to fix – raise music appreciation by fixing the audio quality for listeners. We ALL LOVE the music. Whether we buy, stream, or stealillegally download it, that love remains steadfast. It’s how we treat and value it that is inexcusable today. So bloggers, new musicians, and online bootleggers – STOP POSTING MP3s for download! DEAD THAT. Unless it’s the aforementioned thugger-thugger leak that will never land on iTunes or be worthy of higher mastering, consider it like the Zune laid to rest in the image above – DEAD.
Taylor Swift is the Lisa Simpson of the music industry. She’s that know-it-all, that happens to be actually right most of the time, and always shows up her peers and sometimes perceived superiors.
And look, I’ll be the first to admit it, I hate that. Maybe I’m just biased because her music is not exactly my shower-tunes (except when I “Shake It Off” drying out from the shower – enjoy that mental image forever now), but even I in my haterade shower dancing can’t deny that in the battle for your streaming bucks between Spotify, Apple Music, and (lets be real) OTHERS, T-Swift is the Gettysburg. She’s the D-Day. Her latest album “1989” sold 1.2 Million copies on the first week back in October of last year. To date it is still at the #2 Album spot with over 6 Million American, and close to 10 million worldwide sales. All in all – whoever does right by T-Swift, wins a major battle in the hearts and minds of young streamers.
Naturally, everybody freaked the hell out when she hinted at keeping her blockbuster album off the new Apple Music streaming service via a blog post on her tumblr page:
“Three months is a long time to go unpaid, and to work for nothing…change this policy…We don’t ask you for free iPhones. Please don’t ask us to provide you with our music for no compensation.”
Taylor Swift raised a reasonable and amicable point about Apple Music, that she tried to with Spotify in the past. Feel free to read it in its entirety, but here’s the gist:
Thanks to Apple Music’s 3-month free tier model, independent musicians, producers, and engineers don’t get paid while contributing to Apple’s growing user-base. Taylor don’t got time for that.
She won’t feature “1989” on the new Apple service, until they change that policy. Freemium is a politically correct way of saying “Free” as far as she’s concerned.
You can have her old stuff, though – because you’re cool Apple. Spotify gets NO Tay-Tay.
Now, it could be that Apple pays folks next to nothing for that first 3 months, but the point is that they made artists FEEL HEARD AND RESPECTED. Something the recording industry (even the new streamin avenue has failed to really do). We all know artists (especially Swifty Hussle) are all about the money feelings.
I am elated and relieved. Thank you for your words of support today. They listened to us.
The last time I was flying out of America’s busiest airport, using Wi-Fi seemed like a seamless breeze. The wi-fi read “OHare Public” and that seemed clear enough, “instagram all the Niykee Heaton you want till this New York flight, young African!”. But, my iFun security just wouldn’t let me refresh my timelines, or browser, or Tinder. WTF! Turns out my Cupertino overlords had my best interest at heart, because what seemed fair enough was a trick hack-holes use in every airport to get people sending and receiving unprotected credit card numbers, pictures, and virtually everything on your smartphone. That would have worked if I was wielding a dumbass Samsung Galaxy.
While, the issue seems to work best with public wi-fis, Samsung Galaxy users are still at risk as long as they have that nifty keyboard pre-installed and browse the internet in any way. Soooo candy-crush only for you! Lay off the internet for a while. (Printed version of our blog is available upon request).
On Monday, Apple unveiled plans to enter the music streaming service arena, debuting their design for Apple Music. Naturally, we disagree on how successful this streaming service will be.
By Apple standards, Apple music is going to tank. They’re just way too far behind the Spotify cocaine bag.
Ya think??? I wholeheartedly disagree.
There’s nothing differentiating it from the other services. It’s the same music at the same price point. So why should I switch? All my playlists are already built on other platforms. You think I have the time to rebuild Morning Commutes on that shit? No. I barely have time to post this week.