99 heads of kohlrabi on the wall, 99 heads of kohlrabi. Take one down, pass it around, what the fuck is kohlrabi, ya’ll?
That’s kohlrabi, man. That’s it. It’s a root vegetable. It’s actually quite delicious. I have nothing profound or witty to off you in regards to kohlrabi. I could tell you it’s a little starchy with a nice watery finish. I could tell you I like to eat it raw with the slices lightly salted. I could tell you it’s often recommended as a filler vegetable for soups. But I couldn’t tell you a tangentially related, humorous anecdote about kohlrabi. Nope, I couldn’t do that. OR COULD I?
Still nope. See that was a little thing called a transitional sentence setup. It built up all this anticipatory desire in you to read on, but when you did, you found that nothing had really changed. That’s pretty damn anti-climactic, isn’t it? I thought so, too. Which is why TWISTING THE PLOT, BRO. Sorry, I did it again. I’m a habitual liar. I can’t help myself sometimes. Like when I see sliced kohlrabi and a shaker of sea salt sitting on the counter. Boom, sudden kohlrabi anecdote. I lied AGAIN! Believe me, I’m as disappointed in this post as you are.
OR AM I? Wait, that sentence needed to go up at the end of the last paragraph! Damn. I’d edit it, but it’s too late. This is all stream of conscious, first person P.O.V. narrative. This is just my experiences. Oh dude! I just remembered how I used to mispronounce kohlrabi so it sounded like I was saying “Cholera-be”. That wouldn’t be very enticing to eat. Cholera. That’s a disease that makes you spray a dangerous amount of liquid shit out your ass. That’s the direct opposite of kohlrabi, which is high in fiber content, making you shit a normal amount of solidified shit. This post just got gross. I’m sorry about that. OR AM I?
Nailed it. Nailed this post so hard. Just like I nailed up a picture of kohlrabi with outdated, left-justified paragraph nails. Only we don’t use nails on the internet. We use <HTML> and other web languages. Web programmers are just futuristic construction workers, man. What’s that got to do with kohlrabi, you ask? Nothing. It has nothing to do with kohlrabi But you already knew that. OR DID YOU?
Stop reading this post and eat some kohlrabi. It’s pretty good.