Monday Mood: Lil Wayne – “I Feel Good”

Let’s keep up the spirits from the earlier morning commute selection with a jam from the “Free Weezy Album”. Named such, as it is the Young Money founder’s protest album amidst an ongoing $50 Million dollar legal battle he has with Cash Money Records while attempting to terminate business relations with the only label he has ever known. He announced recently that he had just “signed a deal with my mother*uckin idol, Jay-Z“. This is presumably why the mixtape (?) got a window of exclusivity release with Tidal over the Independence Day weekend [sure that’s no coincidence either, in case the message was not clear to his old label].

So it seems Wayne is surfin high while channeling his inner James Brown on this newly formed Tidal Wave 😉  Apple Music gets Taylor Swift, Tidal gets Weezy F Baby. Word. Too early to turnip to this?

Advertisements

Potato Of The Day Episode 69

kiwanohornedmelonofdeathPsst. Psssst. Hey, over here. No, no, shhhh! Be quiet. It’s not safe to speak right now. I’ll explain everything. Just don’t say anything yet. Not now. I’ll meet you under that arbitrary line of parenthesis. Then we can talk.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Phew! You made it here. I’m glad. You’re safe now. Did you see it? You know, it. Yeah, that thing out there…  that… that monstrosity, that flaming orange ball of Devil horns, that latent bomb of mass destruction, that horseshoe for the final Horseman of the Apocalypse’s horse’s hoof, that stabbing, piercing, blowfish fruit of doom. We call that the Horned Melon. We call that the Hedged Gourd. We call that…  Kiwano.

SHHH! No, don’t repeat the name out loud. You might wake it! No, that’s not something you’d want. Legend says the one who wakes the Kiwano from its silent slumber must endure its rhinoceros wrath. For if woken, the Kiwano demands to be to be taken in, it demands a digestive path to your soul. And what the Kiwano demands, the Kiwano gets, its power the ability to brainwash, to pull you in, to make you consume.

They say it tastes horrific, like hippie blood, a fresh organic mix of cucumber, banana, and lemon zest, the kind of nightmare only thought up in deranged blight by the cotton-mouth stoned. They say it’s all pulp and seed, the most useless bits of fruit, tantalizingly recognizably, brutally succulent, but soul-crushingly unfulfilling. They say its insides are the most unnatural shade of green, alien mucus, luminescent neon, a radioactive ooze of shame. They say it’s edible, but once eaten, never again will you be able to dream.

That monster might tempt you, whispering promises of a place deep inside, a place forever green, growing moist in the light of life. But it doesn’t give life. No. It takes life, rising up from the sand-fields of death, never privy to shadows from the sun, always absorbing heat, unnaturally alive. It tempts those who walk desert paths, feeding seeds of hope, minute grasps of hydration, before turning its back, rotting away back into the sands of time, a decaying corpse laughing at the needs of the soul. Yes, you see now, don’t you? The Kiwano is a killer, a demon beast, a HELLSPAWN!

Oh, oh no… I’ve done it now! I’ve raised my voice! I’VE AWOKEN THE BEAST! You must run now! GO! Don’t EVER look back! WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THE KIWANO – FOR IT MEANS CERTAIN ARGHGHHHHHHHHH……….

U.S.A. Balled So Hard On Japan, Two World Cups Were Won!

Weekends don’t get much more American than the one we just had. Apart from celebrating kickin some red coat ass back in the day vis-a-vis 4th of July 1776, and the best “Dear King George John” letter.  In case you missed it, we recapped it for ya on our Instagram page – FOLLOW.

It’s okay if you’re a commie, but the rest of us in REAL America – went onto cheer on the U.S. Women’s National Team (featuring my inspiration, Christen Press) in the World Cup Final against Japan. By the 15th minute the ladies were up 3-0 in what proved to be too steep of a hole for Japan to climb back out of. So with a final score of 5-2, Japan was like “ugh, fine… U win”, which explains why I couldn’t get through to Christen Press’ phone as she was too busy instgrammin this:

View this post on Instagram

World Champions!! 🇺🇸❤️💙

A post shared by Christen Press (@christenpress) on

Congratulations for being part of that moment and cheering on you, red-blooded-American, you! What you might not have realized is, that was not the only world cup the U.S. beat Japan in that day…

Continue reading U.S.A. Balled So Hard On Japan, Two World Cups Were Won!