You know, it seems awfully mean of whoever stealth edited the standard Wikipedia profile for free agent with a capital b Baller, LaMarcus Aldridge today. Didn’t they know that today was Canada Day? It’s a little rude to pull on the heartstrings like that during a national holiday. Don’t tease the possibility of him signing with the Raptors. Sure, he said he’d meet with them. But people are always saying nice things about Canada they don’t mean. Like, “Yeah, my vacation to Niagra Falls was great.” Or “No, it’s not weird at all to have the queen of another country on the front of your twenty dollar bill.”
LaMarcus Aldridge will, in all likelihood, end up as the newest commanding officer on the basketball Death Star that is the San Antonio Spurs. That’s good for him; he’s from Texas. That’s good for the Spurs; he’s a great basketball player. Those last two sentences were strange for me; I never use semi-colons. They were also sad for Canada; the Raptors are not located in San Antonio. Anyway, don’t play mean tricks on Canada on Canada Day. Don’t give false hope to our friendly neighbors to the north. That’s a terrible birthday gift.
Although… maybe that’s not a prank so much a drunken Canadian’s celebratory wish, a crazed idea born in maddening flames like a former Toronto mayor’s pipe dream? If that’s the case, keep doing do you Canada. And happy Canada Day!
UPDATE: But hey, Canada, it looks like you got DeMarre Carroll! That’s not LaMarcus Aldridge, but he does have two letters capitalized in his first name and is a pretty good basketball player!