I may not appreciate being screamed at for too long, and punk performers probably don’t either. That’s why I dig this, man. This $hit is WHAM-BAM-THANK YOU-MAM! You could almost sing that to the tune of “AY-OW… LET’S GO!” That’s how them boys ran it back then. The entire setlist for them boys was 20-30 minutes MAX. ALL THE ENERGY, LIKE BAM! Then, go back to whatever lame regular $hit you were doing. That’s how you should attack this weekend. With intensity, frothing at the mouth with rage only to burnout by Sunday night. Ready? LET’S GO!
Remember when bell-bottoms became popular again for a hot minute during the late 90s and early 00s? Wasn’t that weird? For real, that was confusing as all hell. There wasn’t a real demand for that type of pant to return. We didn’t really have a need to go back to the 1960s Sonny and Cher look. It didn’t suddenly work better the second time around. But still, it happened. And I’ve always wondered about that, wondered what the fuck was going through the collective fashion world’s denim brains. And now, after years of exhaustive investigative journalism, I know. It was all the work of that damn fashion puppet master, the Bartlett Pear.
The Bartlett Pear has been chilling behind the scenes, pulling strings in the fashion world for hundreds of years. Throughout history it’s been there, manipulating human culture, molding us to fit its centralized pear imagery. Seriously, nearly any questionable fashion trend that result in oddly shaped human beings was a result of the Bartlett Pear’s obsession with making the pear the world’s most prominent living creature. Those big Victorian dresses with bumped out bottoms, asses the size of a gazebo? Makes you look like Bartlett Pear. Those white puffy Bard shirts stolen from medieval times, repurposed for an episode of Seinfeld? Look at the arms of those. What do you see? Yup, Bartlett Pear. TOP HATS. Seriously, think about how stupid top hats are for a second. Now think about what they make the top of your head look like. YUP! The goddamn stem to a Bartlett Pear. Puffball skirts, parachute pants, hats with fruit on them! Pear. Pear. AND LITERALLY MORE PEAR. I told you. THE BARTLETT PEAR’S FINGERPRINTS ARE EVERYWHERE.
I don’t know what the ultimate endgame to all this pear madness is. Frankly, it’s the worst plot to take over the world I’ve ever seen. What exactly are you accomplishing you pear fiend? Are you trying to make humans so unattractive they stop repopulating? Because that’s not going to happen. Dudes got laid in JNCO jeans (which, duh, PEAR). There’s no real path to world domination through fashion manipulation. It’s just not there. So the only thing I can think of is that you’ve got a dastardly sense of humor. So if it’s all just a joke, a silent plot to mock and laugh in muffled pairs with partridges perched in trees, then cool, bro. You made us look dumb. Okay, fair, you made us behave dumb, too. But like, you molded us in YOUR image, stylized to look like YOU, a pear. So… what’s that make you? Petty damn dumb looking, too. So there.
Looking back at it now, “Never Let Me Down” was as solid of a covenant as you can get in rap. This is an arena where alliances are declared ‘4 Life’, but come and go (see Death Row, Bad Boy, G-Unit sorta, and on and on). Coming to think of it, the only hip hop treaty that stayed true to the ‘4 Life’ moniker is ‘UGK 4 Life’ (R.I.P Pimp C). College Droput was Kanye’s debut, and after helping deliver Jay a classic in Blueprint – it was only expected for Jay to knight the newcomer with a sharp verse. Knight he did.
Not only is this one of Jay’s best verses of that era (Blueprint – Kingdom Come), but it was clear from that first declaration that Kanye would be the best sparring partner for Jay (like Drake and Wayne,T.I. and B.O.B., or dare I say Rick Ross and Meek Mill?). Maybe Pharrell was amazed at the beat, or the flow – but wait till the end for his reaction when he FIRST hears the song before anyone else.