Hold up, did no one tell Spring Mix that the summer solstice was last weekend? Oh crap, that’s not good. Get me a phone! I need to call Larry over in accounting. Oh you’re right, I do have a cell phone. I don’t think we can afford an out-of-season guest star. This isn’t good. We’re already running over budget, Spring Mix. You shouldn’t be here. Not until the next solar year at least. Wait, that’s faulty math. A year from now will be summer again. THIS IS WHY I NEED LARRY! Why isn’t my phone working? Oh great, I’m out of minutes. WHO RUNS OUT OF MINUTES? What the hell year is this anyway? No, don’t even open your salad mouth. This is NOT the year of the Spring Mix.
Oh praise Priapus, you’ve got Larry on the line? What’s he saying? Can we keep Spring Mix or what? SPEAK YOU UNIDENTIFIED THIRD PARTY STORY CONSTRUCT! Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Just give me the damn phone. Larry, give it to me straight, can we keep Spring Mix aboard? Yes, Larry, I know the solstice was last weekend. Well, no, obviously no one told Spring Mix. Yeah, he’s here. Says he’s ready to work. Wait, wait, wait, slow down. What are you telling me, Larry? We can’t afford Spring Mix? Damn it. Larry, hold up. I think I’ve got a solution.
Let’s say we just use a little Red Oak Lettuce, a little Mizuna, a little Radicchio, and a quick cameo from Red Chard? How’s that looking? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S STILL SPRING MIX? Okay, okay, drop Red Oak Lettuce, give me Green Oak Lettuce, and sub out the Radicchio for a close up with Arugula. NO, LARRY, I’M NOT AN IDIOT. What do you mean that’s still Spring Mix? IT ABSOLUTELY IS NOT. That’s Mixed Greens at best, Larry. MIXED GREENS. Are you trying to tell me we can’t afford goddamned MIXED GREENS, Larry? WELL NO, I DON’T THINK IT’S NECESSARY TO YELL ALL THE TIME. Just answer the damn question! Oh, okay. That’ll work. I’ll let him know. Thanks, Larry.
Spring Mix, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Given solar positioning in regards to the equator and blah blah blah, technical accounting mumbo jumbo, we just can’t afford to call you Spring Mix anymore. Yeah, I know, I’m sorry, too. I know those things don’t appear to be related at all. But that’s just the business. We’re going to have to label you Mixed Greens.
But hey! Look at the bright side! Now I can afford to eat you!