Do you feel that energy, that buzzing hive, swarming forth, swallowing up the sun? Do you feel that deep rumble, the ground swelling upward, cracking, crumbling away into emerging canyon gaps? Do you feel that fluster, gathering gusts of wind, levitating you up, up, up and away? Of course you feel it! Of course you’ve got that chaos pulsing through your veins! Of course your adrenaline is peaking at an all-time high! How could you not be pumped right now?! HOW COULD YOU NOT BE JACKED?? You don’t need a goddamned grandfather clock. You don’t need a watch. You don’t need a stealth pocket glance at your phone. YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. That’s right. IT’S PARTY TIME. It is? OH HELL YES IS! Why? BECAUSE RED BELL PEPPER IS IN THE GODDAMNED HOUSE THAT’S WHY!
Oh yeah, just look at that sparkling red, gorgeous piece of pepper pimping out right there. Do you have chills? I have chills. See those pimply bumps bouncing out from your skin, those little camel humps of pure human scream? YOUR BODY MADE THOSE BECAUSE IT CAN’T EVEN CONTAIN YOUR HYPE RIGHT NOW. That feeling you’ve got creeping up in your temples? That’s the orgasmic flood of endorphin riding dolphins swimming through your brain tubes. That’s the feeling of your brain bleeding rocket ships into the night sky. That’s the feeling of pure, uncut Red Bell Pepper. Yeah, Red Bell Pepper is so dope it is your dope. Get hooked. Don’t fight it! Just give in and let the eye-bulging anarchy spray ocean waves of kinetic rainbows from your eye-hole sockets. BECAUSE RED BELL PEPPER IS THE FUCKING PARTY YOU DIDN’T EVEN NEED TO ASK FOR. BECAUSE RED BELL PEPPER IS THE PARTY YOU DESERVE.
This is it, the hype train is reaching terminal velocity. The sky is cracking open. Lightning is our new oxygen. We’re all hoverboarding birds now. We don’t need wings. We don’t need our hair, or muscles, or bone. WHAT’S THE POINT OF SKIN? Just let your soul burst out of your body in the brilliant bright crimson tornado that is Red Bell Pepper! WE’RE HERE NOW. THERE’S NO STOPPING IT. THIS IS OUR TIME IN THE SUN! ARE YOU MOTHAFUCKAS READY TO BRING THE FUCKIN’ RUCKUS?! ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKAS READY TO BURN IT ALL DOWN AND BUILD IT BACK UP?! ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKAS READY TO GET MOTHAFUCKIN’ RED MOTHAFUCKIN’ BELL PEPPER UP IN THIS BITCH?!
OH FUCK YEAH YOU ARE.