Shout out to badass seedless watermelon women holding it down in sun soaked southern farm patches, ripening through the prime of their lives, not concerning themselves about future seedlings or sprouts, just living in the now, kicking it on their own scratchy little grip of vine, taking in fresh air, living off the earth, relaxing in dirt baths, mingling with other vegetative roots. Those watermelons are straight up heroic. They’ve chosen their own lives. They’re set. No seeds? No stress.
It might be tempting to listen to your inner hormonal self when you look at a seedless watermelon. You might feel your eyes well up with liquid empathy bombs as you think about their barren bodies, baby shaped melons lacking the capacity to reproduce. But don’t do that. Don’t make this a sad, weird, empty baby-maker thing. That’s not what this is about. Yeah, there’s nothing in the oven. But it doesn’t matter. Baking ain’t the only way to cook. Look at that watermelon’s colors! Red and green. Those are the colors of LIFE, of blood and bush. Badass seedless watermelon women are living just fine without your stupid, misplaced empathetic nonsense, thank you very much.
Honestly, they’re better than fine. They’ve got this shit figured out. They’re out there staying juicy and fresh, diverting eyes, catching looks. They’re not going about adding to the watermelon overpopulation problem. Have you been to a supermarket lately? Yes, you have. You’re an adult presumably. You’ve seen the way they pack melons in these days. It’s out of control. Seedless watermelons know that’s not what’s up. They have your back. They’re not making more messes. They’re cleaning up.
Some seedless watermelons are seedless by choice, others have been that way from birth. No matter how they got the way they are, they’ve got a special place in my heart. Thank you for bringing summer without seeds. Thank you for reminding me of the miracle of specific allele cultivation. Thank you for making me look up what the fuck a Punnett square was. I remember now. It’s a chart for plotting potential genetic mutations and shit. And I know that because of badass seedless watermelon women holding it down and educating my dumbass self.
So thank you, badass seedless watermelon women. I owe you a lot.