Happy World Oceans Day… Or Not, My Bad

We’ve taken her for granted and misappropriated the embodiment of purity in waves. From Billy Ocean’s sonic abominations to Ocean 11’s atrocious violations of trust and honor, the ocean has been viciously tainted by humanity’s complete disregard for such a beautiful, and simple yet complex being.  On this day, June 8th, every year, we pause to remember that while we call it “God’s green Earth”… her wholly blueness covers 70% of this planet, holding over 90$% of our water hostage. Knowing that, explains why we have preemptively struck her bubbling wrath with a $hit-ton of our plastic, nuclear, fuel and every wastekind imaginable. GO HUMANS! [Animals, take note – you’re not safe either].

Sooo consider this our annual eternal “my bad”, Sister Ocean! We assume you’re a chick, because “Mother Nature”, and “Mother Earth” are already that. But, can’t call ya “Mother” ocean because I’ve never heard that, and don’t wanna assume you’d done the dirty-deed (besides, you know… holding our waste).

Anywhooo, here’s a few dedications from our brightest humans to you, Sister! Keep onnn Surfin 🙂

Kay, Nerd. Call us when those Marine Parks have ice cream stands

Buncha fatties! Do they even lift?

Whale whale whale. Would ya look at that! Whatever, I’m a dabs guy anyway 😏

“A Thank You Would Be Nice”? Um… From THEM! They’re moochers! Let’s be clear! We won’t bend to planktonvists, not even today!

Richard… You have to keep your shirt on, Richard! #CoverYourDick

Sooo the circle of life?

FINALLY! A case against big-environment on behalf of US, helpless Humans! Oceans don’t care about Earth People! Keep up the good work over there at Fox Business, John!


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