“Time to sit back and unwind”
This is it. The quintessential summer song on the first week of the summer. As far as throwbacks go, it doesn’t get more throwback than this. No throwback list does NOT include this. I’m pretty sure it was released as a throwback jam even back in ’91. This jam embodies the fine line between pool party and chill.
Continue reading Throwback Thursday: DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince – “Summertime”
Wouldn’t it be dope if inside this plump orange, past its surface level crust of peel, deep down in the heart of its defended depths, was an infinite amount of tiny little suns? That’d be pretty dope, wouldn’t it? Like really ponder that idea, the idea of holding an orange full of so many suns you can’t even count them. It’d be so warm, and bright, and unfathomable. Like your brain would be all, “Dude, this is unfathomable!” And then you’d smile because it’s too dope. And those tiny little suns would smile too because that’s just what tiny little suns do.
There are so many things you could do with an orange like that! You could take it to the park at night and pretend it’s still daytime, frolicking about in your small sliver of stolen noon. You could harvest its limitless solar energy to power a juicer, squeezing every last drop of nectar from all of your other fruits unable to bear an infinite number of tiny little suns. After you pull away its waxy cocoon skin, you could try to count all of those bubbling hot miniature flares, but you’re not even supposed to look at the sun head-on so that would be pretty tough to do without losing an eye. Still, I bet the tiny little suns have tiny little sunglasses on their tiny smiling faces that you could borrow. Or you could utilize all of your eclipse viewing skills, building a pinhole projection box, and peer down at those tiny little suns that way. They’d probably be super stoked about your ingenuity. I bet they’d high five you if they had tiny little hands that wouldn’t burn you.
There’s nothing wrong with normal oranges. They’re great at being what they are, pulpy treats dishing out juicy little kisses of Vitamin C. But wouldn’t it be dope if there was an orange that could dish out Vitamin D instead? Maybe in the future we’ll have solar oranges. Or maybe that future is here right now. Inside this orange is either an infinite amount of tiny suns, or some fruit. I sure hope it’s tiny little suns. That’d be pretty dope.
We are humans, you and I. Yes YOU, reading this now. We have come a long way from the caves, and through it all we have had to face the wrath of creatures longing to feast upon our entrails. We managed to tame some, and keep others at bay, but make no mistake, folks! Whether it’s today’s cats, or their saber-toothed forefathers before them – coursing in their veins is a longing to fulfill their mandate to dethrone us from the crown of the animal kingdom.
So, when they purr in your laps, they may fool some. When they try to convince us that they’re “just like us” with the aid of OUR human made techno and ice cream, that may convince the more gullible of us. But the REAL humans out there know! Us hard working folks, raising cute babies KNOW the truth. We have staved off this battle of the beasts since our club-wranglin, mammoth-hunting ancestors brought about agriculture to offer these monsters separate but equal portions of this peaceful planet. It’s clear by the videos below, that these cats are anything BUT benign, BEN! In the words of Marvin Gaye (A HUMAN), WHAT’S GOIN ON? SAVE THE CHILDREN!
Continue reading Hey Ben, Know What Else Cats Eat? BABIES. HUMAN BABIES!