Potato Of The Day Episode 42

applebiteI have an apple on my desk.  I can’t recall how many bites of this apple I’ve had. Does this apple look 20% bitten or 80% unbitten?

Hmm…  I don’t really know. It seems like an awfully stupid question to be asking regardless. Why judge the apple by what’s there or what’s not there?  Shouldn’t you, meaning I, estimate taste not heft? Shouldn’t you, meaning I, judge the apple by how it has been or by how it will be? Shouldn’t you, meaning I, ask whether the missing 20% of that apple was more or less delicious than the next 80% will be more or less delicious?

Frankly both of you, meaning I, are, meaning am, missing the point here. Neither the state of the apple’s matter composition nor the apple’s taste profile matter in regards to estimating the quality or lack of quality of that apple. You, meaning I, shouldn’t be asking how much. You, meaning I, should ask whom. As in, to whom was the missing chunk distributed? The question you, meaning I, should ask is whether or not the first 20% percent of that apple was consumed in the same matter, and by the same being, as the last 80% will be consumed in and by, or will the last 80% be consumed in and by different means from which the first 20% was consumed in and by?

The lot of you, meaning I, are, meaning is, missing the point entirely. There’s no sense in charting the past, present, or future of the apple that currently exists. The apple that exists is insignificant because it, like us all, meaning like I, will soon cease its presence on this plane of existence. Surely the absence of matter, the missing, the void, the nothingness, surely that negative space tells us more about the apple’s entirety than the physical observations we, meaning you, meaning I, could make in the world we, meaning you, meaning I, already inhabit. So we, meaning you, meaning I, must ask, where the does the 20% of the apple that no longer exists on this plane of existence now exist, and will the remaining 80% be destined for the same plane of existence as its theoretical counterpart?

Fuck everything about this post. I ate the rest of the apple. It didn’t matter.  

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