Humpday Hymn: Outkast – “The Whole World” (Ft. Killer Mike)

Before Run The Jewels was tearing up the festival circuit, there was a solo rapper by the name of Killer Mike who ran with the dungeon family (an Atlanta collective including Cee-Lo’s Goodie Mob, Outkast, and the Sleepy Brown amongst others). Before the millenia of Outkast hiatus, they were arguably the best 1-2 punch in Hip Hop History. But long before all that, on this day of May 27th of some year I could easily research but clearly opted not to an ATLien was beamed onto the Southern half of these United States of planet Earth

He had impeccable wit, out of this world 😉 [get it Ben? Coz he’s an Alien in this piece? Ya Get it?] style, and finesse with words that many have wished to emulate, but no mere humans could duplicate or match.  He was bequithed an earth name “Andre Benjamin” to be exact, but would opt for 3 stacks (perhaps a clue to him being 3000 years ahead of all of us). The Whole.World.Loves it when you make that sound! May your home-planet leave you among us for a few more moments and a chance at more funky blues and/or whatever you decide to belch out until then. Happy Dre-Day, 3 Stacks!

Potato Of The Day Episode 42

applebiteI have an apple on my desk.  I can’t recall how many bites of this apple I’ve had. Does this apple look 20% bitten or 80% unbitten?

Hmm…  I don’t really know. It seems like an awfully stupid question to be asking regardless. Why judge the apple by what’s there or what’s not there?  Shouldn’t you, meaning I, estimate taste not heft? Shouldn’t you, meaning I, judge the apple by how it has been or by how it will be? Shouldn’t you, meaning I, ask whether the missing 20% of that apple was more or less delicious than the next 80% will be more or less delicious?

Frankly both of you, meaning I, are, meaning am, missing the point here. Neither the state of the apple’s matter composition nor the apple’s taste profile matter in regards to estimating the quality or lack of quality of that apple. You, meaning I, shouldn’t be asking how much. You, meaning I, should ask whom. As in, to whom was the missing chunk distributed? The question you, meaning I, should ask is whether or not the first 20% percent of that apple was consumed in the same matter, and by the same being, as the last 80% will be consumed in and by, or will the last 80% be consumed in and by different means from which the first 20% was consumed in and by?

The lot of you, meaning I, are, meaning is, missing the point entirely. There’s no sense in charting the past, present, or future of the apple that currently exists. The apple that exists is insignificant because it, like us all, meaning like I, will soon cease its presence on this plane of existence. Surely the absence of matter, the missing, the void, the nothingness, surely that negative space tells us more about the apple’s entirety than the physical observations we, meaning you, meaning I, could make in the world we, meaning you, meaning I, already inhabit. So we, meaning you, meaning I, must ask, where the does the 20% of the apple that no longer exists on this plane of existence now exist, and will the remaining 80% be destined for the same plane of existence as its theoretical counterpart?

Fuck everything about this post. I ate the rest of the apple. It didn’t matter.  

JR Smith And Analogies: A Chat That Goes Awry

JRSMITH
-Begin Chat Transcription-

Ben
I spent all night brainstorming about JR Smith, but it looks like you already covered it. Normal grammar and capitalization caveats aside, that Cav’s celebration post was a dope format. I give it two JR Smiths out of ten lampshades.  That’s mathematically off the party charts.

Siya
Clearly… because JR Smith is a nuclear reactor.

Ben
Truth. JR Smith is to life as a bullet is to dessert.

Continue reading JR Smith And Analogies: A Chat That Goes Awry

Top 5 Cavaliers Celebration Videos Annotated With A Letter To Owner Dan Gilbert

Lebron James has a self-imposed ban on his social media and phone during the playoffs. Which is why he uses his wife’s phone to whisper sweet nothings to his BFF like we referenced before.  The rest of his teammates have NO SUCH self-deprivation! They will have their playoff cake AND eat it too, and sometimes that is to our amusement.  Here are 5 times we turnt up with them, but had a thing or two to note about it… Continue reading Top 5 Cavaliers Celebration Videos Annotated With A Letter To Owner Dan Gilbert