FYFriday: David Banner – “Yao Ming” (Ft. 2 Chainz, Lil Wayne)

“Life’s a beach, and I dance wit her/ All up in the sand wit her/

Tryna get in the bed wit her/ and put my 3rd leg in her”

On that note, enjoy ya Memorial Day Weekend, and give the beach of life a good ol stanky leg ūüėČ .

Potato Of The Day Episode 40

raisins in the sunLordy, lordy look who’s forty! Seriously forty of these… that’s a whole new layer of insanity for me. When we started this blog, Siya told me I wouldn’t make it past the first week doing Potato Of The Day. WELL LOL AT YOUR FACE SIYA. HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, HUH, PUNK? HOW ABOUT THEM RAISINS?
{Siya’s note: Ben,¬†umma let you finish but, that’s just not the saying}

You know those times in your life where you just kind of go through the motions while waiting for something better to happen? This post is one of those times. I mean yeah, it’s the 40th Potato Of The Day. But 40 isn’t that great of a number, unless you’re talking malt liquor. 40 is just arbitrary milestone, a rest-stop on the highway of life where you can pat yourself on the back, think back on your legacy, and ponder where the fuck you’re actually going with this post. Honestly, I can smell that three day Memorial weekend. It’s tantalizingly close. It’s like, half a day away you guys. Why are we still staring at these damn screens, these infernal flaming LCDs! Why?!

Let’s all shout a collective fuck it, and join those raisins in the sun. Fuck these cubicles and office buildings, fuck walls and ceilings, fuck small talk and work memos. Fuck it all. Let’s run away together. You, me, those partially in-focus raisins. Let’s just drink up the weekend, swallow the sun, digest the outdoors. This isn’t a want. This is NEED. You need it. I need it. We need it.

If you’re a boss and you’re reading this right now, let your employees go! (Meaning let them go home, don’t go General Sherman on the bridges that are your employees bro. Not cool.) Free them out into the wild! Let them live! I mean seriously, how fucking productive do you really think anyone is being right now? It’s seconds to midnight on the weekend doomsday clock. Generous rounding has us there already. Do your best Moses, bossman. LET MY PEOPLE GO.

And to the rest of you, deep breaths. You’re almost there. We’re almost there. We’ll soon be dried up grapes baking in the sun. Together. Here’s to us. Here’s to 40. Here’s to freedom.

Tribute To Late Night’s Greatest Curmudgeon, David Letterman

Curmudgeon – (definition) A crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man.

He’s usually the disgruntled “get off my lawn” guy¬†masterfully portrayed by Clint Eastwood in the dark comedy drama Gran Turino. (Also that one time he chastised an invisible chair he thought was President Obama for like 10 minutes¬†, remember that crazy $hit?).

Thanks A Lot, OBAMA
Thanks A Lot, OBAMA

More comically, the curmudgeon is portrayed by Seinfeld co-creator Larry David in his everyday antagonistic mannerisms on splendid display throughout the legendary improv show “Curb Your Enthusiasm”, none of least being his refusal to give-up the wardrobe of an 8th grader.

I know I'm an adult, PHUCK YOU.
“I know I’m an adult, PHUCK YOU.”

“…Fracking.. I’m not smart enough to understand it. Here’s what I know…the greedy oil and gas…(begins ass-ripping)”

Dave found a way to make being senile or “stupid” as animal tricks¬†intellectually funny. ¬†The likes of Jon Stewart and his heir apparent, Stephen Colbert owe their entire shtick¬†and comedic identity to Dave. ¬†The spitballs of truth from the back of America’s classroom made him the old dude we hoped would never graduate, but at some point even Van Wilder gotta go. So, here we are! Dave is gone, LONG LIVE DAVE¬†(unlike the life¬†poisoned by water in fracking zones). Enjoy this sparring session: