Sunday Funday was mad real. Instead of mellowing down with the usual Monday Mood – why not start this week off flexin to this CLASSIC? Also, NO… this is unrelated to the last post. Complete coincidence. No Shade, No Shade.
Oh what’s that, Mr. Attention To Detail? You don’t think a Honeycrisp apple is even remotely close to being a potato? You think I’m up to something? You’re wondering how I’m going to rewrite that apple’s existence, remolding it back into a starch shape? You’re wondering why I didn’t just grab a quick pic of a Fingerling, or a purple potato, or any of the other varieties of potatoes that I haven’t used yet? You’re wondering where this is all going? Well, Mr. Attention To Detail, can I talk? No, seriously. Is it my turn to talk now? Good.
I’m off potatoes right now. But I’m not off Potato Of The Day. I just need a break. This isn’t like that time I broke up with Sweet Potato, or that time I took drugs, or that time I was just dumb. It’s none of that. It’s just… well… have YOU ever written 35 articles about potatoes? No, probably not. Unless you’re Luther Burbank. Which, if that’s the case, what the fuck are you doing reading this, man? You’re dead. Go hang out with Tupac and do dead guy shit. You’re way too highbrow for this blog. Like maybe one person reading this even knew who you were pre-Wikipedia click. That includes me. Here’s a thing I just learned about Luther – even he liked a little variety. He might have a potato NAMED AFTER HIM (*swoon*, am I right?), but the dude’s fruit and veggie game was top shelf. There’s a lesson in there. That’s why I took a pic of this apple.
You know the nice thing about apples? You don’t have to cook them. You can straight up raw-dog that shit with your mouth. But, wait! If you’re feeling feisty… YOU CAN ALSO COOK THEM. Best of both worlds. Have you ever eaten a raw potato? I have. But I’m a weird dude. Normal dudes (that’s a non-gender specific usage there) don’t eat raw potatoes. One time I ate a raw French fry. It was gross. I don’t regret it. But it was gross. That’s not a sample size issue either. I know because I lied when I said one time I ate a raw French fry. I’ve eaten lots of raw French fries. Again, weird dude. I’d say all of the raw French fries I’ve eaten were terrible. I’d say only a small fraction of the raw apples I’ve eaten were terrible. That’s food for thought. (Siya, that pun was for you. I feel dirty now.)
Knock Knock…who’s there… Iggy… Iggy Who… Iggy the Top Rap Artist of 2015 according to Billboard, beating out J. Cole, Drake, Nicki Minaj, and Rae Sremmurd
*sips some water*
*wipes runny nose*
I needed that! Anyway, that’s all I got.
Iggy, TAKE US AWAY