Morning Commute: May In The Rearview Mirror

At the end of every month, I’ll post a Spotify playlist with all of the Morning Commute songs from that month. If I can’t find a song on Spotify, I’ll replace it with a song by, or featuring, the same artist whenever possible.

May you fare well in your farewell travels, May!

FYFriday: Mark Ronson – “Feel Right” (Ft. Mystikal)

“Uptown Funk” was the longest reigning #1 Hot 100 Record of the decade. Kendrick Lamar invited the likes of George Clinton to help him produce the best rated Rap Album of All Time. Pharrell produced an entire Funk album for Snoop Dogg. No question that 2015 has been the year FUNK SO RIGHTEOUSLY made its comeback!  Mystikal channelled his all too seamless James Brown to help Mark Ronson on his next single, and it FEEL RIGHT!  Somebody needs to sign the kids in that talent show ASAP, btw.

To see the adults crash Ellen’s show to kill this performance themselves, check it out below:

Continue reading FYFriday: Mark Ronson – “Feel Right” (Ft. Mystikal)

Potato Of The Day Episode 44

junglesaladSalads are like a jungle sometimes. Take this salad. On the surface, it seems normal. You’ve got some greens, some carrots, some onions, maybe a hint of cucumber lurking below, all tossed together, waiting for the fork. But look closer. Look at those greens. That’s no normal green base. That’s not lettuce or kale or spinach. That’s cilantro. Which… is not normal. Not at all. Can you feel that fear hissing up from the pit of your stomach, an angry python wrapping around your vegetative expectations? I told you. Salads are like the jungle. Cilantro is like the jungle. It’s dangerous. It’s unsettling. It’s not right.

Some of you out there, the brave and bold, might resist this salad, pointing to that leafy, treacherous green, attempting to perturb it, calling it zest. Sure, that cilantro’s physical location is the salad summit, the peak of Vegetarian Mountain, perched ornately as zest is wont to do. But don’t let that fool you. That positioning is just to lull you into a false sense of normalcy. It’s using its own body as a piece of ensemble camouflage. Don’t fall for it. Cilantro’s a poison dart frog, and it’s ready to strike. Tread carefully now. You wouldn’t want to ire that cilantro.

The only way to survive the jungle is to give yourself to the jungle. To become a part of it. To hone yourself in on the humming rhythm that is the wild forest. That’s how you survive. You learn. You adapt. You embrace. That’s also true for cilantro. Cast away your fears. Give in to the unknown.

Take a look at the gorgeous round rock we call the world. It’s full of wonder and amazement. It’s full of sustenance. It’s full of hope. But you also have the jungle, saturated in its crushing darkness and despair, its looming dread, its suffocating density. The jungle was a mistake of creation, an inhuman blemish of death, colored in the hues of the gardens of life. The same is true for a salad made of cilantro. Literally. I grabbed the wrong greens when I made this. Oh well!

Anheuser-Busch Stops Making Beer For A Cause

The nobel laureate Lil Jon once asked one of humanities great philosophical questions; “Turn Down… For What?”  A rhetorical question, a riddle, or perhaps an affirmation of the Turnip.  You know how the son of man turned water to wine? Well Anheuser-Busch is kinda pulling a reverse on that.  Let the TV man tell it, while tapping on his computer TV in this metavision message:

Continue reading Anheuser-Busch Stops Making Beer For A Cause

Response: LOL Siya, Those Lions Are STUPID

Siya, let’s talk, you and I. Human to human. Man to man. Did you seriously think those lion videos you posted yesterday would hold sway in my mind? Did you really think that would change anything?  Did you really think you could scare me with footage of glass imprisoned cats? I know those images terrify you, the clawing, the rampant swiping, the chomping teeth. I know you think of the what-ifs, imagining the horrid crimson slush, the sloshing mop bucket water you’d need to clean those children up should a feral feline break free. I know you have nightmares about MGM title card at night. But you know what I see when I watch those hijacked YouTube clips? Some pretty stupid fucking lions. That’s what.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard your glass shattering paranoia before. But you know what those lions didn’t do? Break that glass! You know what else they didn’t do? Eat those babies! You know what else they didn’t do? ANYTHING AT ALL! You know how stupid you have to be to spend an entire afternoon flatly pawing at glass? How idiotic you have to be to repeatedly smash your face up again the same window over and over again, each time coming up with nothing but air? How downright moronic you have to be to not understand the futility of each failed attempt, rinsing and repeating over and over again like an amnesiac reading the shampoo bottle in the shower? REPEATED IDENTICAL FAILURES ARE THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY. Those lions are some of the dumbest fucking animals I’ve ever seen. And that’s saying a lot.

The video I posted above is a lion hugging a human. Did you watch that? Did you see how harmless those big cats look? Did you cry? ADMIT YOU CRIED. Those warm balls of love are the exact same animals as the ones you think are trying to eat our youth.

{Siya’s Note: Using the late great Whitney Houston’s timeless human-love music for this propaganda? SHAME ON YOU, Ben. SHAME ON YOU!}

Lions don’t want to eat us, Siya. They just want to be loved. So no, I’m not scared of your lions. Because lions are lonely. Because lions are not uprising against us. But most of all, because lions are too fucking stupid to even realize they’re imprisoned behind glass.