Monday Mood: Jordan Bratton – “Prisoner” (Ft. Chance The Rapper)

Young up-and-coming New Jersey native just extended his tour opening for Jazmine Sullivan. That’s fitting, and a good foreshadowing seeing as that’s one of today’s most soulful and dynamic voices.  If Frank Ocean is a comparison (which he’s not yet, Ocean’s a freak of artistic nature), and Earl Sweatshirt is a Chance The Rapper comparison (which he’s not, Chance is far more dynamic), then “Prisoner” is right along the lines of “Super Rich Kids”.  Like Frank in his debut masterpiece, young Jordan tackles the blinding effects of being young and self-involved with finesse and flow that will sure to be on repeat for the rest of your week or longer.

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Potato Of The Day Episode 21

bakedpotatoBaked Potato is pretty damn brave. It takes a lot to put yourself out there, to show your guts to the world. Baked Potato doesn’t think twice about it. Baked Potato only knows how to live one way.  And that way is open. Way open.

Now you might look at Baked Potato and have the urge to yell, “HEY, PUT ON SOME DAMN PANTS YOU CRAZY POTATO! THERE’S KIDS IN THAT PARK!” But Baked Potato wouldn’t listen if you did. Baked Potato is too busy soaking up heat rays. Baked Potato doesn’t worry about anything. Look at the size of that take-out box Baked Potato is in. THAT’S WAY TOO BIG OF A BOX FOR ONE POTATO. Baked Potato doesn’t give a fuck.

Maybe it’s because Baked Potato doesn’t feel. Maybe it’s because Baked Potato is the most chill of all the potatoes. Maybe it’s because Baked Potato was born a Russet, raised in a culture of dominance and privilege. Whatever the reason, Baked Potato doesn’t care who sees Baked Potato. Baked Potato just does what Baked Potato does, staying open, honest, exposed to the whole world.  No butter. No sour cream. No chives. Baked Potato doesn’t need coverings. Baked Potato doesn’t hide from anyone.

What if we were all as open as Baked Potato? What if we all just hung it out there all the time? Imagine a carefree world run under the governance of Baked Potato. Sure, lots things might not get done. But why do things ever get done to begin with? Baked Potato doesn’t know the answer to that. And Baked Potato doesn’t care.

Watch This Dedication To Friday, Because Mondays Suck

The voice cover is as pretty as the young lady in the video, but that’s not the most important part here. If you DARE go by without connecting with that kid baring his soul in the shower then you have no heart. You are a robot, that can not be trusted with emotion. You are a gut-maggot, with no guts!  But we won’t let you be that. Watch the 30-second clip.  Otherwise humanity will be… Lost Without U.

P.S.
Maybe Rob would have had a better chance of “Getting Her Back“, if he got this kid when he made Paula. Sorry, bruh.

Post 101: I’ll Teach You How To Stunt, BEN!

Here’s a question, kids – know how you eat a whole whale? One bite at a time, lil Benny!

Rome wasn’t built in one day, Benny-Boy! It was a bunch of days. A lot more than 100 days, in fact. Took a lot more than 100 people. Probably more than 100 bricks. So excuse me if I’m not breakin out the $8 champagne on this beautiful Monday morning.  This oolong tea will do just fine. Know where that’s from, Ben? CHINA. Know what they got there? The GREAT WALL OF CHINA. That’s another thing that took a lot more than 100 ANYTHING to build. If you look at a section of the Great Wall you may find it “meh”… maybe not that “consistent or regular”, in some parts.

That high-fashion sweatshirt pictured above? Name ya size, and it’ll be at your doorstep sooner than later as a reminder. A reminder of what’s important. It’s a marathon, not a RACE! [Although… a marathon is technically a race, that just takes way way longer. Sooo yea its a race, but… well, as some overzealous sailor-mouthed jackass aptly put it, “talking about race is pretty *uckin complicated“.]

So, we’ll save it for now.  We won’t talk about your consistent and regular “forgetting to publish” of my unfinished Lorde’s Day ON the sabbath , or your complete negligence and downplay of the serious animal control issues looming in the background of all that our faithful readers need to be aware off.

P.S.
About that Aaron Hernandez post… you’re just jealous because it KILLED with the people! That’s a pun, look forward to a lot more than 100 of those. Carry On.

This Is Our 100th Post But It’s Not A Good One

100PARTY
WE WENT ZERO TO ONE HUNDRED [REDACTED BY SIYA BECAUSE WE BOTH AGREE I SHOULDN’T BE USING THAT WORD EVEN THOUGH IN THIS INSTANCE IT WOULD BE A QUOTE AND MAYBE THAT’S ACCEPTABLE USAGE, BUT THEN AGAIN I DIDN’T ACTUALLY USE ANY QUOTATION MARKS SO IT’S NOT REALLY A QUOTE IT’S JUST ME CO-OPTING HIP HOP CULTURE WHICH IS ARGUABLY PROBLEMATIC IN AND OF ITSELF,  OR PERHAPS IT’S NOT IF I’M NOT MISREPRESENTING THE CULTURE, BUT EITHER WAY THIS WORD HAS BEEN REDACTED AND TALKING ABOUT RACE IS PRETTY FUCKING COMPLICATED] REAL QUICK.

Can you believe it? We’ve done 100 posts. WE’RE KEEPING IT ONE HUNDRED RIGHT NOW. Bask in our Benjamin Franklin, our centennial, our Billboard Chart. No one said we couldn’t do it! But no one said we could either! So this is an in-your-face to our haters the indifferent masses. We’re going to keep bringing you Potatoes Of The Day, and Ben’s Diaries, and Morning Commutes, and oh, hey there Siya, I was just talking about how we’re keeping it 100, and not all just promoting the regular posts that I write. No, no, Siya, you just keep doing what you’re doing, not posting anything on a regularly scheduled basis. Yeah man, it’s cool. People don’t want or expect consistency. Oh, yeah man that listicle post of Aaron Hernandez memes was… great.  Really, it was totally… high-brow. Oh, what’s that Siya, you think it’s a little unfair of me to be pretending to have a conversation with you? You think I could have consulted you first before posting something about our 100th post? You think maybe you could have contributed to this more if you were actually co-writing this piece instead of having your part ghost-written by me? WELL I THINK YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST SENT ME A HUNDRED CONGRATULATORY 100 EMOJIS FOR OUR 100TH POST YOU INSENSITIVE, CELEBRATION HATING ASS.

You guys, 100 posts. THAT’S A LOT MORE THAN ZERO. It’s also a lot less than a million. THIS WHOLE THING HAS ME SO EMOTIONAL THAT I’M GOING TO GO LISTEN TO SOME DRAKE.