I mean… come-on. It’s 4-20, what did you think? I HAVE TO post a Monday song. Low-Hangin-Fruit? BERRYly! The ad-libs are probably what’s key on this one from Dogg-Father and the Godfather of outlaw country, along with “Johnny Cash, a real American Gangster”. Here are some notable nothings, that might as well be inspirational/motivational posters:
The mo medicated, the mo dedicated
I suppose, though Snoop’s probably not on PEDs.
What’s the use of the truth, if you can’t get a lie sometimes?
Yin/Yang, Godfather. We not talkin the twins, neither.
They say you can’t buy me love, but you damn sure can buy me bud
The mo medicated, the mo dedicated, indeed. Process the payments. Happy Health, ya hoodlums!
Ben, I know what you’re thinking and just don’t do it. Don’t play into that stupid, overwrought tradition. Don’t give into the mindless numbed, the inebriated masses, staring off into galactic distances, debating the merits of delivery Chinese vs gas station pizza. You don’t need to play this game. Keep it educational. Keep it straight potato.
But bro. Bro. BRO. FOUR-TWENTY DUDE. Ha! Like remember how like that day is just like, well wait, what was I saying bro? Did someone say pizza? POTATO PIZZA. Now there’s an idea, we could just like throw some mash, some tots, and some crinkle cut fries on top, melt four pounds of cheese over the top of it, and sprinkle on a little… what… CHINESE FOOD. DUDE. We’re going to be so rich. You don’t think the government is listening to this do you?
Why, Ben? Just… why? You know how dumb this is. This isn’t an on-brand Potato Of The Day. It’s not! Don’t even try to justify it. Don’t spout some market share nonsense. The target demographic for this post is too busy searching couch cushions for lost lighters to be able to read this. Is it even possible to read with eyes that red? Ben, just stop now. I know where you’re going with this. I know how this ends. I’m you, remember? I CAN SEE THE FUCKING PUN COMING.
Hey man… what if Potato Of The Day was really an international conspiracy to pull attention away from the REAL issues? You know what I’m saying, man? Like what if while we’re all off thinking about these normal potatoes, the President is busy negotiating the unconditional surrender of the Grand Canyon to a race of squid-armed ALIEN potatoes? Bro… what IF WE’RE POTATOES?? Wait, that’d be pretty dope. Potatoes are so chill dude. What kind of potato would you be? Dude… I KNOW WHAT KIND I’D BE, MAN! I’d be a HASHbrown.
I hate us, Ben.
NOPE… NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!
I’ve seen silverback-gorillas in a zoo. They were in a DEN. Where was I, you ask in that smart-ass racist-jocular tone? I was standing atop a 20 foot wall with a moat at the base, because PHUCK THAT!
Never mind my relentless warnings of the coming ANIMAL
uprising planet, but one OF gorillas, BY gorillas? Folks, that’s closer than you may think. You’ve seen that animals are hard at work upping their defenses, and making serious advances in their counter-intelligence and espionage, but THIS? We humans named that “SHATTERPROOF” glass for a reason. The last time I saw an animal put that to test was on the 3rd floor of the Zoology Building in the university town I grew up, a 5 foot puff-adder on the other side of the shatterproof glass.
Side-note: Why was I, at the age of 11, trusted with unlimited and unsupervised access to the snake that kills more Africans than all others combined?
I shouldn’t need to draw lines connecting loose ends on a chalkboard here for you, people. You’re smarter than that, that’s why you check this blog daily, and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. But, you put all these forces together. Add the fact that gorillas (who are supposed to be in our homo family) may be forming alliances in the animal kingdom that puts their advanced craniums, and opposible thumbs to use in UTILIZING TOOLS, in the wrong paws. Folks, you know in your gut what this means for us as humans. Will you stand by and do nothing, or will you take your habitat back?