Humpday Hymn: Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears – “Bitch, I Love You”

Dear Friday,

It’s ya ex. Sorry, I left… I miss you, now! Will you have me back? We can do all the weekend things we always said we’d do, you-funky-bitch-you! Halfway through this bitch of a week, and I’m over it. Bitch, I LOVE YOU!

Yours Truly,

-Ya Boy

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Potato Of The Day Episode 13

probetatoesShit you guys, I think I’m trouble. I took a pill I found in a trashcan.  It was just sitting there, so enticing, calling to me. Why did I do that? WHO DOES THAT? Do these potatoes look normal to you guys? I think I might be hallucinating. Those potatoes sure don’t look right to me. I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, MAN.

This isn’t good guys. There’s way too many colors on those potatoes right there.  Shh, shh, shh.  Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP. I just realized what’s going on here. Those are alien potatoes, man. ALIENS. How else do you explain those tentacles? Oh god, they’re probably alien anal probes.  PROBETATOES.

I know yesterday I was all like, “BLERG, LEZ EXPAND THE POTATO UNIVERSE,” but guys, I didn’t think this would happen. I didn’t think a martian mothership would plant extraterrestrial eggs in our grocery stores! We need to prep for the all-out alien assault! WHAT IS OUR ALIEN CONTINGENCY PLAN?

Waaiiit… is any of this even real? Am I actually seeing this? If you blog in the forest, does anyone retweet you? Do aliens bleed electric thoughts? DO BUGS DRINK WATER? Can a garblkjan ezinnel…a;vflvk ldskfj…..

[Siya Note: Don’t do drugs you find in a trashcan.]

 

 

Stephen Curry Is A Glitch In The Matrix

See that video above? That sort of boring, routine shootaround footage? Did you watch that shit? You did?  Well, you weren’t supposed to see that. No one was supposed to see that. That’s not even supposed to be possible. That’s a glitch in The Matrix.

Stephen Curry made 77 three-pointers in a row. SEVENTY-SEVEN. That is straight up incomprehensible. I’ve never done ANYTHING 77 times in a row. I can’t even take 77 breaths in a row without forgetting to inhale at least once. I’m not entirely sure I could COUNT to 77 without messing up. Hold up, I’m going to try it… [12345674fucuuuk] …nope. CAN’T DO IT.

We all have days in our lives where we think to ourselves, “Damn, I’m good at my job.” But after watching that, after seeing what it’s actually like to crush a job into oblivion, I don’t think I”m good at anything. I wasn’t ready for thatThis is why you shouldn’t watch things you’re not supposed to see. This is why you’re supposed to take the blue pill.

I mean… damn. Stephen Curry is so good at basketball he just gave me clinical depression.