“Hey, hold up a second… that’s not a potato. THAT’S A FUCKING JICAMA.” Shh, child. Don’t be scared. We’re just adventuring out into the great beyond! We’re expanding our universe. A Potato Of The Day can be anything we want it to be! Potatoes are our dreams, and the jicama is a glorious reverie!
Imagine if potatoes really were that big! Hush, I realize there actually are roided out taters that would make the Hulk happy. I’m talking about normal potatoes. Because this is a normal jicama. Just picture how life would be if our typical Russets, Yukon Golds, and Golden Sweet Potatoes were this big! Our ovens would have to be HUGE! That greasy cardboard half-box you keep your fries in would be so much longer! Potato chips would be the size of Frisbees! Picture yourself in this whimsical world of monster potatoes! Doesn’t it make you happy? Doesn’t it make you proud to have dreams?
And yes, I’m ignoring the literal of you out there, the ones who would hold the Potato Of The Day chained to its rigid format. We don’t need you in our alternate reality of voluptuous yams. Keep your negative energy to yourself. Besides, your thinking is all wrong. Wikipedia lists “Spanish Potato” and “Chinese Potato” as two alternate names for the jicama. How about that? So maybe, just maybe, a jicama really can be a Potato Of The Day! Maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to dream after all! Maybe, just maybe, you should lighten up!