I tried to hate this guy. White-washing Ghostface Killah, much? ‘Great, you’re a fat chef who loves Baklavas going by the moniker “Bam Bam”. Sweet gimmick, bro! FOH.’ I managed to completely avoid his music, until somebody suggested Action Bronson is to New York what Kendrick Lamar is to L.A. “BULL$HIT!“, I thought – and still do. But, after passively playing his debut “Sincerely, Mr. Wonderful”, I had to double back. Still not ready for the comparison to K.Dot, but after Kendrick’s TPAB, This is the most unique, authentic, and generally BEST Rap album in 2015 so far.
No two tracks sound the same, and it somehow makes sense in displaying what an open-mic/jazz-night would sound like in a Queens or Harlem dive-bar on any given Thursday.
IF THIS POTATO FRIGHTENS YOU, YOU’RE A BAD PERSON. Yes, I know it was probably born in a cesspool of nuclear waste and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle ooze. Yes, I know it looks like the evil offspring of the mutant from The Goonies and a tumor. Yes, I know that’s a potato so ugly it makes mirrors crack and babies cry. But dude, IT’S NOT THAT POTATO’S FAULT.
Not all potatoes can be externally beautiful. Lack of aesthetic astuteness is no reason to label a potato Shylock. IF YOU PRICK IT DOES IT NOT BLEED? Well, no. Not literally. But like potato innards might crumble out. AND THAT’S PRETTY MUCH THE SAME. Look, potatoes are potatoes. No matter how unsightly, they still deserve the same treatment as other potatoes.
Think about if you were this potato! DUDE, DO NOT MAKE GAGGING NOISES. THAT’S NOT COOL. Just humor me. Put yourself in those spuddy little shoes. Day after day after day, shoppers file by you, snagging the potatoes to your left and your right, ignoring you. You know you don’t look as pretty as those picked potatoes, but deep down, you believe you have it, that special stuff that makes a potato really cook. But no one gives you a chance. So you silently rot away until you’re the last potato in the box, a forgotten reject, loved by no one, doomed to sprout those weird roots from your face.
DIDN’T IT SUCK TO BE THAT POTATO JUST NOW? DIDN’T YOU JUST WANT TO CALL YOUR MOM AND CRY? #FUCK. That’s a little thing called empathy. Now you know those feels. Now you know that struggle. The next time you’re out buying potatoes, give the ugly once a chance. It’s just human decency, man.
Just like has been all season, Russell Westbrook put on a show yesterday. Just like it has been all season, that show was equal parts terrible and breathtaking. Russell Westbrook is a basketball paradox. Russell Westbrook is both parts of one whole. Russell Westbrook is a yin-yang. Need proof? Let’s break it down below. Continue reading Russell Westbrook Is A Human Yin-Yang