EVERYBODY STFU! He got the Club Goin Up JUST LAST TUESDAY, you ungrateful bastards! Now you want Molly, too? Makonnen’s out of that game, now! White? Green? He gotchu covered! But, PLEASE! For his boss the 6-God’s sake, he DOES NOT SELL MOLLY NO MORE! Try takin a chill-pill, and RELAXING safely, like Ben’s latest potato. Molly makes you sweat profusely anyway, and the ability to chill is completely foregone.
Thank you, Wiz Khalifa. Even Miley Cyrus got the memo, and is helping spread the word! STOP CALLING HIS PHONE… unless you want “the gas”. What is “the gas”, Siya? Like I said before (in a much more serious context) IF YOU GOTTA ASK, YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT.
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!
“Will Smith’s Son Photographed Wearing A Dress”.
THAT’s the current TOP Facebook Trend. The fact that its followed by “South Carolina Police Shooting of Unarmed Black Man” is not the problem here. Well, at least not for the purpose of this particular post.
The problem is that this assumes Jaden Smith is the son of Will Smith, just because Will Smith fathered him. This also implies Jaden was being photographed, when its just as likely that the camera may have been photographed by Jaden himself. Still with me here? If I lost you, Continue reading We Are Not Qualified To Question Jaden Smith’s Dress, Neither Are You.
The weekend is here. Hopefully it’s sunny wherever it is that you are, and you can just cruise the highways, windows down, music turned up, wind in your hair, potato by your side. But just because it’s nice out doesn’t mean you get to forgo safety. YOU STILL NEED TO BUCKLE THE FUCK UP.
Reality check time. During an average lifetime you only get 3,900 weekends. That’s straight up depressing as fuck. Seriously, it’s okay to feel really sad right now. Let that hurt wash over you. We live a cruel, meaningless existence. Are you done moping yet? No…? Really. The faster you get over that fact, the faster we can move on to my next point. STILL not done being depressed? Dude. I’m moving on anyway.
Sure, we have a finite supply of weekends. But there’s no reason to blow through those weekends faster than you need to! Buckle yourself and your potato up! Let’s all stay safe out there. Let’s maximize the number of potential weekends we have left, milking every last moment of sweet, sweet escape from that 9 to 5 prison we call the week. Don’t turn your potatoes into mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes only keep for like… a week. Tops.
Look at that little guy above. Look how the sun is splashing across his red face. He’s so relaxed. So chill. And yet… so safe, so snug, so secured against the sins of the streets. BE LIKE THAT POTATO AND WEAR A SEAT BELT YOU DUMMIES.
The big news in texting this past week was Apple releasing a bunch of racially diverse emojis. About damn time, right? Now you can actually change an emoji to a black person without having to add the 100 sign. I’m super pumped about this. So let’s make some racially charged shit!
Finally we can reenact every white cop/black perp situation in America!
Asian drivers, right you guys?
Does this make you uncomfortable? If so, you might be a racist!
Indians have gas so bad it will literally kill you!
Uh oh, looks like the Klan forgot their hoods!
I mean… too far? Too far.
Whew, that’s better. Just a black Santa scaring babies. Nothing to see here.