Alicia’s back on her keys and ballad game in this up-lifter reminiscent of her smash single “No One“. You’re halfway through the week too! Close ya eyes, take a deep breath, and march to Friday with this as your Humpday Hymn!
Speakin of Friday, Wassup Friday! Witcho fine-self! See you soon! For now… We Are Here!
Look, I’m not one to lecture, but the world is a dangerous place and the last thing I want happening to any of you is contact with a potato disease. A potato disease I ask for you? Yes, a potato disease. Did you know there are dozens of diseases potatoes can come in contact with? AND THEY ALL SOUND SCARY AS SHIT. Look at this list of names: powdery scab, silver scurf, bacterial soft rot, blackleg, pink rot, blackheart, verticillium wilt, the list goes on and on.
Now, if you’re thinking to yourself that blackleg doesn’t sound so bad, I can assure you it won’t make you run like Usain Bolt. Okay, I guess I don’t actually know that for a fact because I’m not a phytopathologist. But whatever! Just play it safe and assume blackleg is like leg death, thus explaining why potatoes, which obviously used to have legs, are no longer two-legged creatures. Again, potato disease is nasty and terrible and scary as shit!
So what can you do to avoid that list of scary infections? WRAP YOUR POTATO, DUMMY. Don’t even mess around, dude. If you don’t know that potato, wrap it the fuck up. Do you really want PINK ROT? That’s fucking disgusting. You’ll never be able to scrub clean the memory of your rotting pink. Now if you’re in a healthy, really committed connection with a particular potato that you trust, by all means, do your thing. But don’t risk it with strange starches of the night. Wrap your potatoes.
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So it turns out Puff Daddy has an animated show in development, described as South Park in inner-city Detroit. Couple of things here, Siya. 1.) Comparing your show to South Park right out of the gate is recipe for cancellation. 2.) It still has to be better than Mike Tyson’s low-rent Scooby-Doo knockoff. 3.) I don’t really care about this. I just wanted to set-up a thought experiment with you. So dude, what if Puff Daddy was really a pufferfish? THINK ABOUT IT!
First of all, if you’re gonna go there, the image should be a pufferfish, with Puffy’s face on it! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! Continue reading Thought Experiment: What If Puff Daddy Was Really A Pufferfish?
You guys, check out that last line of the description for the latest Spotify update. L.O.FUCKIN.L. AM-I-RITE? Someone at a Spotify needs to march down to the marketing department with a Phillip’s head screwdriver, because we’ve got a copywriter with some screws wayyyyy the fuck loose! Look at what that GOOFBALL wrote: “Fictitious: This app is a gas at room temperature.” CUT THAT TOMFOOLERY OUT – AN ELECTRONIC MUSIC APP ISN’T A GAS!
We should all be thankful that they at least came partially back to reality and tagged that little nugget of comedy gold as “fictitious”. Can you imagine the unholy chaos that would spring from the ground if people mistakenly thought Spotify actually WAS a gas at room temperature?!?! Your grandma would be running around screaming, “HELP! I’M INHALING A STREAMING SERVICE!” I think we dodged certain doom here, everyone.
April Fool’s Day is long over, but our Spotify copywriter doesn’t care. They’re going to bring the fucking ruckus all day, every day. I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t wait to see what they come up with next!