This little, lonely potato here is a B Sized Gold Potato. Normally these potatoes are sold in prepackaged potato bags. For whatever reason, this potato finds itself exiled from its original potato bag. This potato should, no, needs to be put into a new bag. This potato has more value as a part of the potato bag community. Alone, this potato might not make it in the world. You’d think it’d be easy for this potato to establish roots inside a new potato bag. But no, it’s nearly fucking impossible for an outside potato to transfer into a prepackaged potato bag.
Why? Because we prepackage our potatoes in bags made of red tape. You know what you need to do to get approval to get a potato added to the potato bag? First you have to talk to a Produce Stocker, who will in turn need to ask a Front End Worker for the correct Front End Manager to ask for approval. The Front End Manager will need a moment to investigate the proper handling and sorting of potatoes into bags, a policy divided into two separate subclasses, one for organic produce, the other for conventional produce. Upon finding the correct policy, the Front End Manager will need to consult with the Head of Produce. The Head of Produce works directly for the Head Grocer, and will defer to the Head Grocer’s decision on the matter. The Head Grocer will not make a decision without conferring with guidelines set forth by the Inventory Management System. If the Inventory Management System says go ahead, the Head Grocer still might take the case to the Store Manager, who acting as a representative to the Board of Trustees, can only make a decision with a majority vote approval by the Board, which of course cannot happen until all open Board seats are filled by the Exploratory Committee for the Grocery Store Board of Trustees Candidates.
And that’s why it’s so fucking hard to add one extra potato to your prepackaged bag.