Last Friday, when I wrote about the endless march of the Russet, the last thing I was expecting was to incite a violent potato coup d’état. But no more than an hour after my post went up, my sister sent me the picture of this mutilated potato, with the caption, “Just found this in the parking lot.” Not cool, you guys. Not cool.
Yes, the Russet is an endless machine, an infinite point of starch on the human timeline. No, that doesn’t mean we need to launch a full-on potato smashing assault on taters. We’re human beings. There’s no reason to demonstrate so violently. If you need to feel superior to our Russet overlords, just challenge them to a written debate. Potatoes are notoriously terrible with punctuation. You can laugh at the Russet’s futile attempt to incorporate semi-colons into its writing.
Honestly, I’m just really disappointed by this whole debacle. Sure, I feel somewhat responsible for building societal outrage at the Russet, but more than that, I’m let down by what I thought I knew about humanity. I thought we were above this. I thought we learned we can resolve differences peacefully. But, no. There’s always some asshole who has to escalate things. Don’t be that asshole. Don’t smash potatoes.