Unplug your shitty work week, and plug-in this Friday inducer by South Londoner, MNEK! If your weekend is half as zoinked out as everybody becomes after the
probably ecstacy metaphor Rhythm gets to them, then you, my friend, are alright with me. Isn’t that why you cut loose on the weekends anyway? To impress me? MEEE! ME ME MEEEE!
Also checkout more of MNEK’s new EP right shmere, then convince your friends that your taste is “just out there, man!”:
This is it. The one you’ve always been expecting. It was inevitable. When you close your eyes and picture a potato, you picture this. We all do. The potato world belongs to the Russet.
Today I walked into a grocery store, wound my way to the produce section, took this picture, and, to the confusion of the worker building pyramids of red bell peppers, turned right back around and left. I managed not to purchase a potato during this trip. But I will soon enough. We all will. The Russet demands we consume.
Stacked upon dozens and dozens of nameless clones, the Russet peers through your soul. It knows your deepest desires – chips, fries, loaded baked potatoes. From Idaho to Ireland, the Russet is an international entity, overshadowing all who would challenge its rule. The Russet knows all. The Russet sees all. The Russet is always there waiting, outlasting any would be health craze or starch challenger. The Russet crushes all opposition, forever trudging forward in its steady march of spud superiority.
There is no choice but to embrace the Russet. No one human can rise above the potato empire. We are all caught in the endless turning wheel of the Russet. We will buy. We will eat. We will rinse and repeat. This post was inevitable. The Russet is inevitable. Our consumption is already a foregone conclusion.
When the sands of time drop their last grain through the hourglass, when humanity has been washed in fires of wind and dust, the Russet will still be there. Waiting.
This morning, Siya posted some fear-mongering hooey about an animal uprising based on footage of a dumb hunter trying to chase down a wounded pheasant. Two things about this:
1.) Siya, HE STILL KILLED THE FUCKING PHEASANT. IT’S DEAD. THE ANIMAL DID NOT WIN.
2.) Animals most definitely do not “out-skill” humans. Need proof? Watch this dog try to catch a taco:
Yeah, I’m real scared of that “animal uprising” you keep shouting about.
What I know:
1. Road Runner is REAL.
2. “It’s in you, how can you be running” is the lowest hanging innuendo fruit, and I’m above that…for now.
3. That pheasant phucked up and just let the truth slip. Not a moment too soon for us! Animals are building immunity to our age-old killing systems. It’s more important now than ever before, to set aside our differences and unite. They’re coming, and they far outnumber and out-skill us. They run faster, swim faster (see above video), and don’t need jet fuel to FLY! Think about that.