Potato Of The Day Episode 4

potatobananaI had big plans for a Yukon Gold post today, but life has a way of throwing things at you that make you stop and RECONSIDER EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT YOUR HUMAN EXISTENCE.  Yes, this is another goddamned, untrustworthy Golden Sweet Potato.  Only this time, it’s so very obviously trying to be a banana.

There are just too many tangents I could get into about this, the racial implications of bananas, the environmental impact of bananas, the differences between starches and fruit, but really it all boils down to one point – something is wrong with how we’re raising our Golden Sweet Potatoes if they’re not comfortable in their own skin.

That’s right, I flipped it on you.  I’m empathetic to the plight of the Golden Sweet Potato.  We’re raising our Golden Sweet Potatoes on the idea that they are what their name implies, but the reality is that as these potatoes age,  they find themselves not as gold, but a dull brownish-red.  Of course that knowledge is going to cause a crisis of self, it’s only natural that they start seeking outlets for escape.  They turn to the bright yellow skin of bananas, desperate for that blonder hue, tantalizingly close to the gold they were told to be their entire lives.  They mutilate themselves, desperately contorting their bodies to match the slender thin curves of the more famous fruit, losing their identity in the process.

No more.  Golden Sweet Potatoes, I’m asking you to look inward, deep into your vibrant, orange soul, and find the real beauty there.  You’re perfect just the way you are.  You don’t need to become bananas to make the world happy.  We’ll be happy enough if you just stay true to yourself.

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