Song of the day’s just right for the middle of the week. If nothing else, the hook’s got a great tip for getting free new shoes. So toss a middle finger to Monday, and give a wink to that sexy Friday up ahead!
“Sup Friday? Been in the gym lately? Cause the thought of you’s liftin more than my spirits right now 😉”
[tryin out new pick-up-lines for Friday…need help]
You guys… LOOK HOW FUCKING TINY THIS POTATO IS. Is this real life? I’m serious. Someone please tell me if this is real life. I know today is April Fool’s Day, so is this an elaborate prank? That absolutely cannot be real. That’s a potato you’d find in a dollhouse. LOOK HOW FUCKING TINY IT IS. I tried the old dick pic trick, using a penny to make it look larger by scale, but you know what, THE PENNY MADE IT LOOK EVEN SMALLER.
You guys… imagine how tough it would be to grow up as that potato. For real, put yourself in that potato’s size six millimeter shoes. One day you sprout out of the ground and some farmer’s oven-mitt hands scoop you up, wash you off, and suddenly it’s declared that henceforth you shall be branded a Peewee Potato. A PEEWEE POTATO. Dude. That’s too embarrassing. Your name is always going to remind people of jacking off in a movie theater. And that’s not your fault! You’re a potato! You don’t even have sex organs! Life is just rough. Oh man, I feel so bad for you, baby Peewee Potato. I want to cradle your tiny little potato head in my hands, er well, like… finger? You’re too small to even cradle!
You guys… tonight let’s all shed one tear for that tiny fucking potato. It’s the least we can do.
Chris, do you want your amoxicillin in pill form, or would you prefer to take the children’s bubblegum flavored liquid via spoon? Seriously, we need to get that inner-ear infection treated right away. You’re already displaying severe dizziness. Don’t let the symptoms get any worse. You’re at risk for complications!
Actually, on second thought, maybe don’t take the amoxicillin. It might be best to go deaf so you don’t hear all of that mean, mean laughter.
While writing about Tupac yesterday, I got to thinking about other deceased musicians who haven’t released music in a while, like Akon. [Siya Note: Akon isn’t dead, Ben.] [Ben Note: Wait, what? He’s really not dead?] [Siya Note: Nope, definitely not dead.] [Ben Note: Crap. I need to start over.] Smack Scratch that.
Remember Akon? Come on! I know you remember Akon. Hehad somehugehits. Did you know that Akon isn’t dead? I just learned that while writing this! Did you know that Akon is releasing a new music? Seriously! He’s making a five (FIVE) part album called Stadium, covering musical genres from all across the world. That’s a lot of new hypothetical music! One has to wonder if anyone will care at this point though. I mean, I literally thought he was dead! I’m not sure I even remember what he looks like. Do you remember what he looks like?
To test whether or not you remember what Akon looks like, I’ve created a short quiz. Do you think you can pick out a picture of Akon from this collage of homonyms? If you get stuck, be sure to check the answer key below!
A – This is the city of Akron, which is not the same as the very-much-alive musician Akon. They are both proper nouns though, so that’s neat!
B – This is an acorn, which is not the same as the very-much-alive musician Akon. Squirrels eat acorns. I’m not sure if a squirrel would eat Akon.
C – This is Akon! He’s alive! If you picked this answer, congrats! You can continue to use the 100 emoji as normal.